An Autumn Solstice
by SmilinStar
Summary: ‘For the test of the heart is trouble . . .’ MA
1. Prologue: October 2022

**An Autumn Solstice**

**Disclaimer: **Let me check . . . no, I still don't own Dark Angel.

**Rating: **PG-13

**Pairing: **M/A

**Summary**: 'For the test of the heart is trouble . . .'

**Author's Note: **Blame my cartridge pen; it just doesn't know when to give the angst a rest.

_It is easy enough to be pleasant,_

_When life flows by like a song,_

_But the man worth while is one who will smile,_

_When everything goes dead wrong._

_For the test of the heart is trouble,_

_And it always comes with the years,_

_And the smile that is worth the praises of the earth_

_Is the one that shines through tears._

_Worthwhile – Ella Wheeler Wilcox_

Prologue

October 2022

She had left them in dumbfounded silence. After the initial shock had receded all that was left was the bitter taste of anger and resentment. In all honesty Max had expected it, but the misdirection of their fury was something she hadn't. They were blaming entirely the wrong person. Deep down she had always suspected that they didn't follow her willingly, but she was their leader, and she couldn't help but hurt at how much they distrusted her; not when it was being so openly staged.

Max wasn't one to dwell too long on other's misconceptions of her, and besides, she was far too busy kicking walls and toppling chairs to be attuned to the furious gossiping she had left in her wake.

She had grappled with the possibility that they were right, that it was her fault, but Max stubbornly refused to shoulder any of the blame. Alec was a grown man. He governed by his own rules. Max's actions had no input in his life. It never ever had done and there was no reason at all why it should start now. No, Alec had skipped Terminal City of his own free will. She had had nothing to do with it.

Despite her self assured innocence, Max couldn't help torment herself by replaying the last twenty four hours in her head, over and over again. And so she sat there; her head banging rhythmically against the wall of yet another crumbling TC building, the cold wind biting through even the tough leather of her jacket, never feeling more alone than she did now. . .

"What the hell happened?" Max came bursting into the makeshift infirmary, took one look at the bullet ridden and blood covered female X5, and then turned on the male currently nursing an injured leg, with a look of savage determination.

Sat on the next bed, Alec looked up at Max with a tired sigh, clearly prepared for her over-rehearsed tirade.

"I didn't see them coming," he said.

"You didn't see them coming?" Max repeated slowly as if she had never heard a more ridiculous excuse.

Alec nodded mutely, "they came out of nowhere . . . they didn't give us enough time to react . . . I . . . tried . . ."

The rest of the incoherent jumble of words died on his lips, his eyes a vacant green as they stared first at his hands, then at the floor.

It was such a mess.

Three X5's shot dead right in front of his eyes – and he hadn't been able to do a damn thing about it. The guilt threatened to choke him. It didn't help that Max's cutting stare had just plunged a knife hilt deep into his chest as well. He had climbed a treacherous mountain to get where he had with the fiery female X5. From the minute he had stepped foot into her cell that day back at Manticore to the entire fiasco with the retrovirus, it had been a battle to gain her trust. Time and time again, Max would shoot him down with scathing remarks, but he always dusted himself off, determined to make it to that summit somehow. He thought he'd made it when, out of the blue, Max turned around and made him her second-in-command, giving everyone at Terminal City simultaneous heart attacks. But like many things in his life, that had only been a cruel tease. Sitting there now – his heart sick at the memories of blood on his hands – she still wouldn't give him what he truly wanted.

"Go home."

It was a whispered request – tired and forlorn.

"What?" Alec looked up at her.

She wouldn't look at him. She _couldn't even_ look at him.

She was twisting that knife now – hard.

"There's nothing you can do here."

She was looking past him at Kimi. The usually rosy cheeked, bright eyed female was looking terrifyingly pale. Blood was still seeping through on to her tightly wound bandages. Dark, dry blood was matted in clumps in her beautifully silky brown hair. She was hooked up to an IV and heart monitor, blissfully unconscious.

"Right," he said, gingerly standing up, leaning heavily on his better leg. That son-of-a-bitch sure had done a number on him. There was no word sufficient enough in the English language to describe the evil that was Ames White. Trying to sum up the utterly twisted malevolency of White was redundant. "I guess, knowing me. I'd probably do more bad than good here."

"Don't." It was so cold, under laced with a dangerous tremor – as if she was just bursting at the seams.

And Alec couldn't take it any longer. "Can we get this over with?"

"What?" she snapped.

"How I screwed up, how you never should have trusted me, etc etc."

Max's eyes blazed, "This is not some – oops I slept with my best friend's girl, I'm sorry, problem Alec. Don't you get it? We lost three good men today. Three of _our_ friends-"

"Of course I get it!" Alec yelled back, "I was _there_, Max. I saw the whole damn thing happen. The whole damn thing in damned slow motion – and I couldn't do a bloody thing to stop it!"

He had somehow surged forward, his face looming dangerously close to Max's, invading her personal space, and so close she could smell the acrid dried blood and sweat that stained his clothes.

The feeling was altogether too alien and frightening. Never once had she felt such utter despair emanating from him. Her throat tightened, "It's not your fault."

"Don't," he replied with the same lack of warmth she had previously thrown his way, "Don't you dare lie to me. Don't you dare lie to me Max. Not now."

"Well what do you want me to say?"

She didn't have a clue – and that was what broke his heart.

"Nothing."

His eyes shuttered as he drew in a deep breath and took a step back.

"Nothing?" Max stammered, her voice once again rising.

Turning around he grabbed what was left of his jacket from the bed.

"Alec?"

He brushed passed her, hobbling to the door of Terminal City's barely functioning infirmary.

"Alec?" Max said again.

But she received nothing but the backswing of the door and the cold breeze of loneliness in reply.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

She wasn't sure how long she'd walked around the dark and desolate streets of Terminal City in a daze. Everything seeming so devastatingly surreal.

The cost of those three lives was so infinitely more than she could have imagined. Her chain of command was collapsing in front of her eyes. Distrust was flying around like a pandemic of flu. The responsibility had never felt such a burden as it threatened to crush her down to a fine powder. But despite that, all she could see was the hurt and anguish dimming the light of those hazel-green eyes, over and over again in her mind. It was as if the image had been permanently burnt to her retinas – soundlessly torturing her again and again.

She knew in her heart that it wasn't his fault. But everything seemed so much easier if she could blame anyone but herself. It wasn't her fault either, her rationale argued, but rational thoughts were never ones to grace Max often. And so irrationality prevailed, and who should be caught first in her line of fire?

Alec.

It was always him.

Once upon a time, she would have believed he deserved every barb she threw at him, but that had changed so gradually she no longer knew where to draw the line. She trusted him more than she would ever let him know. He had her back, she had his. He made her laugh, he made her angry, he irritated the hell out of her; yet she spent more time with him than she did Logan. Even with the virus well and truly dead – well as dead as an already dead piece of protein could be – she spent more time with the irksome X5 than with the supposed love of her life. And that frightened her.

When the news of White's untimely reappearance had seeped through the wires and cables of Transgenic Headquarters – Max's first thought had been of Alec. Only Alec. She had felt like she had been gutted, burning slowly from the inside out. The feeling of sheer terror that had coursed through her veins, making her sick to the stomach was something she wasn't going to forget easily; add that to the overwhelming sense of relief that had nearly caused her to topple over on seeing him burst through the gates; bloody, battered and all. And that's when she turned cold.

There had always been the niggling thought in the back of her mind that he was beginning to mean more to her than he should, but she had always adamantly squashed the thought flat before it had wholly formed. The painfully familiar adage of "we're not like that" sprung to the forefront of her mind. It sounded so ridiculous now; the sordid truth was she didn't know how she felt about either man anymore. But what had become crystal clear in those few hours of hell on Earth was that Alec really did mean more to her than she could ever fathom. And that was why she had turned cold. It was so much easier to not get hurt if she didn't feel in the first place.

If only she had known how it would be misinterpreted.

But that was Max. Always the fool to feelings.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

The slam of the door wasn't loud enough to block the sound of the gunshots from echoing mercilessly against his eardrums. Squeezing his eyes shut only brought more torture as Max's iced over eyes stared back at him.

He shrugged off his jacket, tossing it unceremoniously onto his battered couch and headed straight for the kitchen, aiming solely for the bottle of scotch sitting in his bare cupboard. His tiny apartment wouldn't be winning any health and safety prizes but then not much could be expected for the crumbling, toxic buildings of Terminal City. He would have called it home, once. But now, he didn't feel like he belonged anywhere.

They'd barricaded themselves into Terminal City almost a year ago now. The so-called 'second coming' had yet to materialise, the familiars were still a royal pain in the ass, and the only thing which seemed to have disappeared was the mob of angry Ordinaries hurling rocks at their gates. They appeared to have gotten bored with watching their new circus of freaks, but that didn't mean they were forgotten. The media was always slurring the truth about the transgenics, their fate was never far from the top of the political agenda, and the odd flaming X would pop up here and there every now and again.

The familiars had been quiet for quite a while – 'probably biding their time' Alec had once surmised. If it hadn't been for White's very sudden appearance today, they had very well thought, or rather hoped, they'd fallen off the face of this Earth. As it so happened, it looked as if they were back on the rise – mobilising their forces.

Max's mysterious tattoos had coincidently also stopped appearing, but if he was to hazard another guess, they would probably start popping up again very soon. And it scared him witless.

If all this mythology was in fact the understated truth, and Max was indeed the saviour of the human race, then for the thousandth time he wished he'd never met her.

For all the times Max had ragged on his ass about screwing up her life, that was as many times as she'd screwed up his. After Rachel, he'd found himself wound up in this warm and safe cocoon of false bravado and carelessness. He'd vowed he'd never let anyone worm their way into his heart again. He had blocked himself off from feeling anything and embraced the cold. He had loved the cold. But then he'd been shoved in the direct pathway of the fireball that was Max. And he had resisted; as best as he could. But the law of inevitability would always win; no matter what the situation, fire would always melt ice. And as much as it sucked, the laws of inevitability meant that where there was a saviour there was always sacrifice; and it hurt like hell.

"Damn it!" he screamed, hurling his empty glass across the room. Hitting the far wall, it shattered with a satisfying crash; the shards of glass spreading out everywhere. All that was left was the sound of his heavy breathing in the deafening silence. He struggled to focus his eyes as they became glazed over with tears that would remain unshed. He raked a hand through his hair, gripping it tightly and pulled. It was as if that single action would expel all the anguish and anger that consumed him. "Idiot!" he yelled again, this time kicking in the kitchen cupboard with his injured leg, again and again.

Tired and spent, his leg throbbing in pain, and with his back against the wall, he slid down on to floor. Unfocussed, now startling green eyes, stared out in front of him, relishing the bliss in shutting down and not feeling.

And that was how she found him.

Having spent ages procrastinating outside in the cold, Max finally came to the decision that a confrontation was in order. She needed to know what was going on inside that blond head of his. She had steeled herself for many different situations, but this was not it.

The door had been uncharacteristically left open. Popping her head in the gap, she looked into the small living room space. His jacket was draped haphazardly across the sofa, but what really caught her eyes were the shattered, sparkling pieces of glass that were scattered across the floor.

She stepped hesitantly into the room, shutting the door gently behind her. And that's when she saw him.

The kitchen was plainly in sight. The havoc he'd inflicted upon the old wood was also clearly visible but her focus was drawn to the figure sat on the floor; long legs stretched out in front of him, eyes staring into space.

Her throat suddenly felt parched, and her mind reeled for words that would nevertheless remain inadequate. "Hey," was all that escaped her lips.

Initially, Max had thought he hadn't heard her. But after a few more seconds of silence, the slight twitch of his jaw was followed with a hoarse, "What are you doing here?"

"We should talk."

He still hadn't lifted his eyes, "There's nothing to talk about."

"I think there is."

Alec said nothing.

Max sighed, "This is no one's fault but White's."

Alec smiled grimly, "Say it like you mean it Max."

"I do mean it. Is this what this is about?" she asked, throwing her arm around, indicating the mess he'd made. "You think I blame you for what happened?"

Alec finally looked up. His eyes collided with hers, and the effect was immediate. His eyes were shining with something she had never seen in him before. There was a childlike vulnerability and sadness there that made her heart quail, "Do you?"

She hesitated. She would never know why she hesitated, but the damage was done in that single second, "No," she stammered, "Of course not."

The brilliant green of his eyes faded, "Liar."

He stood up, balancing precariously on one leg. And that's when she noticed the blood. The previously white bandage on his left leg was now stained a dark red.

"You're bleeding."

He ignored her, "What are you really doing here Max?"

"I want to know what's going on in that head of yours, is what I'm doing here. Talk to me."

Alec scoffed, "Talk? Since when have we ever talked?" He knew that was unfair. They had talked plenty of times. The discussion about Ben had been a milestone for them both; they'd talked numerous times after that too; sometimes about absolutely nothing and once, very bizarrely, about what they hoped for the future. That had been so utterly surreal, Alec was no longer sure that conversation had ever even taken place.

"You know what?" Max finally snapped, "I don't have to put up with this." She turned to go, but Alec's retort stopped her dead in her tracks.

"Is that what I am, something you just put up with?"

She moved forward, closer to him and softened her voice, "For the last time Alec, can you please just talk to me?"

"I can't take it anymore," he whispered.

"Can't take what?"

"You."

Max blinked. And blinked again. She would have said something if she could formulate the words, but then thinking was an entirely difficult prospect with him staring down at her so intensely.

He had inched forward somehow. He knew what he was contemplating was incredibly foolish. She would probably kill him, but then he just couldn't do it any longer. He'd tried to be noble and bottle it away, but maybe it was just the culmination of all the suppressed emotion added to the nightmare of the situation that made him finally do it.

She didn't really know how it happened. One minute she was just staring at him, and the next his lips were on hers.

Max froze for a second. But it was only a second, as Alec's hands found there way up into her hair, cradling her head. He pushed himself against her and kissed her hard.

She was lost to the sensation, her heart thumping erratically against her chest wall, blood rushing through her veins and all her nerve endings tingling as if they'd been set alight. He was robbing her of all coherent thought, and then she was kissing him back – hungrily. All her pent up frustration and confusion went into that kiss, as she gripped on to him tighter. Alec responded with increasing fervour, but that's when sense finally filtered its way through Max's fuzzy brain, and she realised with a startle what it was that she was doing.

She turned rigid, and pushed herself away from him with all the strength she could muster. Both transgenics were breathing heavily, their lips equally swollen and hair a tumultuous mess.

The unquenched fire in the pit of her stomach gave rise to blistering anger, and Max with one sharp movement, deftly delivered a slap to his right cheek.

"What the _hell _was that?" Max screamed her pitch unnaturally high.

"That," Alec replied as his hand came up to the offended cheek, "is the answer to your question."

"Don't you dare be smart with me," Max spat through gritted teeth.

"You wanted to know what was going through my head, and that's your answer."

Max shook her head in disbelief, "I don't need this."

"Yeah, well neither do I!" Alec yelled back, "I didn't ask for this, I didn't go looking for it, it happened, and I can't do a damn thing about it!"

"I'm with Logan." Max said her voice misleadingly calm.

"I know."

And then she was at a loss for words, except for two excruciatingly misplaced ones, "I'm sorry," she whispered.

Alec looked up, his face heartbreakingly open, but only for a mere fraction of a second, "Yeah, me too."

Turning on her feet, Max walked to the door. She faltered at the door to his apartment, but then changing her mind; she offered him no second glance over her shoulder and walked away.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

Not that Max really slept at all, but that night she was particularly restless. The endless list of the ramifications of Alec's actions ran a frivolous course through her mind. It explained so much yet so little.

Knowing how Alec felt about her brought with it only a suffocating grip. What should she tell Logan? How should she deal with Alec now? The awkwardness between them would be stifling. The biggest question that had hit her, however, was one which she still refused to acknowledge. How she felt about either man was even more blurred, and it left her entirely disorientated.

Kicking off the bed sheets, Max expertly navigated the dark room and slipped her feet into her shoes. Tugging on her jacket, she crept silently out of her apartment and down the stairs of her block.

On reaching the outside, the cold wind of dawn enveloped her and she hugged herself tightly. The first few rays of sunlight were making their way up as she revved the engine of her bike. She sped along the back roads, her mind taking her to her only solace behind those barb wired gates.

When she reached her destination, she had not expected him to be awake, but then she was getting a lot of what she wasn't expecting recently.

"Hey Big fella," she smiled brightly, "What are you doing up?"

She received nothing in return, as the larger transgenic remained stock still with his back to her.

"Joshua, you ok?" Max asked walking hurriedly forward to catch a glimpse of his face under the masses of shaggy hair.

She was met with a look of confusion, as Joshua held out a large package in one hand, and an open letter in the other.

Taking the letter from his hand, she read:

_Hey there Big fella,_

_Sorry I couldn't give this package to you personally. I found it on a raid last month and thought you could use it. I'm gonna be away for a while. Wish I could explain, but I can't seem to make sense of it myself. I'm no good at goodbyes, but I do want you to know that I feel so damn lucky to have met you. You've been a great friend, and anyone who says feline and canine don't mix, are clueless. I'm gonna miss you pal._

_And one last thing, take care of Max for me._

_Alec_

The letter fluttered to the ground, as Max looked up at Josh with wide brown eyes.

Opening the newspaper wrapped package, Joshua found himself holding a beautifully intricately carved wooden box full of expensive oil paints and paintbrushes.

Max's heart plunged.

He was gone.

He'd left them.

He'd left her.

A single tear rolled down her cheek.

And another, each drop merging with the rain that cascaded down from the skies and onto the huddled figure sat at the foot of the old building. It was not the first time she'd relived the day in her mind, but the loneliness she felt each time worsened with each sharp stab. The rest of Terminal City's reaction to her announcement of Alec's departure hadn't helped either.

She was still processing the turn of events, but the initial grief had quickly descended into fully fledged anger.

How dare he cut and run? All her original thoughts of him washed back to her on a tidal wave. He was still the selfish, immoral jerk he'd always been, nothing had changed at all; and Max had never felt more foolish. _He was heartbroken_, a voice whispered at the back of her mind, but she furiously stamped it out. So? She argued back ruthlessly. He ran, the bastard had ran. He had left them to deal with everything on their own. He didn't care about anyone but himself – and it hurt.

God, did it hurt.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

**A/N 2:** I realise that was a rather long prologue, but there was a lot to tell. I hope the transition from past to present at the end wasn't too confusing.

I'm generally very critical of my own stories, and I have to be honest with myself, I feel Alec, in particular, is out of character. Whilst I think he would shut down after deaths of transgenics he felt responsible for (being a soldier after all), I don't think he'd actually ever run away. That said, I think it's the culmination of guilt, the fact that he believes Max doesn't trust him made worse by the fact he has strong (unwanted) feelings for her that made him do it. But in defence of Alec – because I seriously love the guy for his sheer complexity (amongst other things . . .) – there's a lot more to his absence than meets the eye . . .

I'll shut up now. Please leave a review. Good, bad, please let me know what you thought . . . and maybe, just maybe I'll put the next chapter up – shameless I know – so sue me. No, no no wait . . . you actually might. (Man, I'm so far gone it's not funny).

**SmilinStar**

**xxx**


	2. December 2022

**An Autumn Solstice**

**Disclaimer: **Let me check . . . no, I still don't own Dark Angel.

**Rating: **PG-13

**Pairing: **M/A

**Summary**: 'For the test of the heart is trouble . . .'

**Author's Note: **Blame my cartridge pen; it just doesn't know when to give the angst a rest.

December 2022

It was snowing.

But it wasn't the beautiful white sheets painted in Christmas cards.

The snow was thin, slushy, muddy and even icy in some places. It didn't help that Max, in a rush had had a moment of rare imbalance and had unflatteringly fallen flat on her ass.

"Damn snow," she muttered.

Logan chuckled above her, and held out a hand.

Max frowned up at him until she caught sight of the outstretched, un-gloved hand. Four months on and she still wasn't used to not having to watch herself around him. The cured retrovirus had been a miracle. She had been so overwhelmed with joy when what she had wanted for so long had become a not so impossible dream, that when the reality of her relationship had hit her, she had been wholly unprepared for the disappointment.

The man clearly adored her, and she loved him too. She really did.

But after all the drama, the normal relationship she had forever sought turned out to be an anticlimax – in every sense of the word. He was safe, she had realised, but that didn't mean he made her feel safe. Truth was, she always had to fret about_ his_ safety, and the fact that she was cooped up inside an Ordinary intolerant city didn't make things any easier. Sure Logan could stay for short exposures at a time, but there were often months when she didn't see him; and sadly when it came to Logan, after all the years of procrastinating, it was more of a case of 'out of sight, out of mind.'

She had had so much to worry about. The runes had finally stopped emerging – revealing Sandeman's message. Supposedly she was going to save humanity from an apocalypse triggered by none other than White and his merry band of fellow cult loonies. Yeah, whatever. But then of course the blood tests had to go on to show just what was so special about her no-junk DNA. Of course _she_ had to be the one to have the antibodies to the virus that would wipe out the world. She was beginning to realise that a normal life was never going to be her life.

She had also had to deal with a failed coup. After Alec's disappearance, the other transgenics had been so sure that Max had kicked him out; they had after all been privy to a large number of serious altercations she had had with the wayward X5, that they had staged a rebellion in order to oust her as their leader. Max, however, had stood firm. Even Joshua had tried his best to restore the status quo, and whilst Max would have loved to put it down to her kick ass abilities and Joshua's heart string pulling speech, she knew it was something unidentifiable that had made them change their minds. The transformation had been so stark, if she'd been a believer she would have wagered something supernatural was at work, but as it was, she just wasn't. Max had brought it up with Mole, but he'd just given her some flimsy answer about how they needed to stick together to beat this 'bitch'. She'd never really bought it, but she had let it drop.

Logan's grip was firm, but his fingers were icy cold and she inwardly recoiled from the touch. He noticed nothing.

"You okay?" he asked.

Max shrugged her shoulders, as she tried wiping the snow from her backside, "Had worse falls than that." She was dismayed to find her trousers wet from her brief sojourn with the ground, "great," she muttered.

Logan chuckled again, "It's warmer inside, it'll dry."

Max nodded.

They were throwing a New Year's Eve party. It had been Joshua's little project, and he had been excited about it for days. She had tried to show her enthusiasm, but it seemed she'd lost the panache for partying. It didn't take a genius to work out why. That said, she had promised him; and if she had to plaster a fake smile on her face all night till the clocks struck twelve, then so be it.

The music could be heard several blocks away; the bass thumping loudly mixed with the sound of laughter and joy. Logan smiled, "Seems the party's already started."

"Yeah."

"You sure you're okay?" Logan asked again, looking down at her intently.

Max nodded, "why?"

"You've just been really quiet."

"I'm just a little tired," Max dismissed.

"If you're not feeling up to partying we could always go back to my place."

The thought made her skin crawl. Logan had been trying to get her on her own for ages, but she had continually distanced herself from him. She knew the reason behind her lack of wanting to spend time with him, but it just made her head spin thinking about it. For one, she hadn't told him about the real reason behind Alec's absence. She had enthusiastically joined in with Logan's choruses of Alec being a selfish, egocentric bastard of an X5 who cared about nothing but saving the skin off his own backside; but then denial would only get her so far.

For all the hurt he'd caused, she couldn't quit comparing them; their smiles, laughs. She knew Logan would never run out on her, he would never intentionally hurt her, but she couldn't get him out of her head. It was like Alec's spirit lingered around every street corner – and then there was that kiss.

She still hadn't told Logan, giving her yet another reason for ignoring her doting boyfriend. The last three months had been long, torturous and unbearably hollow; her numbness translating into passionate hatred for the man who had unwittingly caused her so much pain, pain which she continued to ignore and bottle up.

Swallowing another unhealthy dose of guilt, Max answered him, "No, it's fine really. Besides I promised Joshua I'd be there."

All credit went to Logan as he capably masked the disappointment, "Sure."

A couple of unease filled silences later, they arrived at their destination. The music was now deafeningly loud as they entered the temporarily converted mess hall.

"Max!" A jubilant looking Joshua exclaimed on catching sight of his favourite transgenic, "You came!"

Max beamed at him, "Course I was gonna come." Reaching up on tip toes she hugged him tightly.

Logan shook hands with him, "Like what you've done with the place."

Now it was Joshua's turn to beam, "Gem helped."

"It looks great!" Max added her support.

It really did look great.

The guys had found an old disco ball out of a dumpster, and strung it up in the centre of the room. The different coloured lights bounced off the walls and off the swaying bodies in the centre of the floor. The Christmas decorations, which comprised of golden, red and green tinsel and old holly leaves, were still adorned to the walls. It was all rather garish in appearance but Joshua had refused to take them down. "Still Christmas," he'd argued, and Max could only shake her head and smile at the heart-warming childish innocence Joshua unabashedly displayed. She would also have to agree that the gaudy decorations were a lot better than the crumbling paint of the usually puke green walls of the mess hall – it was enough to put you off eating there in the first place.

"So where is Gem?" Max asked, turning back to her friend, "She should be here enjoying both of your hard work."

Joshua answered her with a smaller smile, "Gem needs to watch littlest fella."

"That's a shame," Logan replied.

Joshua nodded, "But, Littlest fella lots of fun too."

Logan chuckled at that, "I'm sure she is."

And then he gave her that look again. He'd been giving her those significant looks for a while now and Max continued to studiously ignore them. She was in the middle of a bloody war to save _humanity; _she just did not have the strength to deal with a broody Logan. She had a family already, and right now _they_ were her priority.

Max cleared her throat uncomfortably. A moment of silence followed; remnants of Logan's previous unease with Joshua still lingering. He never had been able to create the kind of relationship with Joshua as Alec had . . . Alec. _Oh hell._

"Let's dance," Max said suddenly, grabbing hold of Logan.

Quietly stunned, Logan quickly answered her with a resounding, "Sure."

She tugged at his hand, and he followed submissively behind her. They were nearing the centre of the dance floor, when Max was stopped in her tracks by Dix,

"Hey Max," he said, uncommonly out of breath, "I was looking for you."

"Is everything all right?" Max asked frowning slightly.

Dix shook his head, "No."

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

"We received intel, just moments ago, that the last warehouse in the distribution chain for the vaccine has been infiltrated by a small assembly of Familiars."

Max wanted to scream. This was not supposed to be happening. Not today.

"Where did you get this intel from?" Logan asked, coming up behind Luke, who was sat at a computer back at Headquarters.

"That's hardly the point," Mole answered, biting down quite viciously on his cigar, "We have at least a dozen or so X5's and X6's in there. We need to mount a rescue operation _now_."

Max nodded, "We will, but first, Logan's right. We need to know more about this intel."

"An X5 inside, managed to somehow relay the emergency signal from inside the warehouse. We picked up the signal from our visual feeds dotted in and around the vicinity. We know there are Familiars inside. What we don't know is how many Familiars are present and if anyone from our side's still alive," Dix explained.

"I don't know about this," Logan shook his head grimly, "Sounds like a trap."

Max looked equally grim, "Trap or not, we can't leave them in there. Mole's right, we have to act now."

Logan showed no pleasure in his instant dismissal, "Max, you need to think rationally about this. You can't go charging in, guns blazing and not expect casualties."

Max rounded on Logan. Her eyes set narrowly, her lips pressed in a thin pale line and her hands curled up in a tight fist.

"This is _war _Logan. War is never rational, and hell if the Familiars had been rational American citizens and not part of some wacko cult, then we wouldn't even be having this conversation. So screw rationality – I'm gonna do what's necessary to bring my people home safely."

"Sounds like a plan," Mole nodded in support, having never been an avid fan of the cyber journalist's work, or the cyber journalist himself for that matter.

With one last level stare at Logan, Max turned to the rest of her command and set about planning the stages of their rescue operation. Logan quietly took a step back into the shadows, resigned to watch from the background.

He rationalised to himself that he wasn't wrong to worry. The intel was shady to start with, and he was not imagining that the trio of transhumans were being quite obviously not so forthcoming with all the details. He had picked up on it so many times before, and it had instilled a deep seated fear that Max couldn't even trust her own people wholeheartedly. He had once brought it up with her, pulling out Alec's record as proof in itself, but Max had reacted entirely unexpectedly. She had shut down on him completely; fervently arguing for the rest of her transgenic family – that Alec in no way spoke for them all. He had apparently had no right to question their loyalty. She had given him the cold shoulder for the rest of the day; the iceberg shattering only slightly when he'd apologised for questioning her judgement.

It had been four months since they'd literally been given the cure for the virus on a plate, but their relationship had stayed exactly where it had been before. There had been no shift in the gears, and though Logan had tried, Max had made no attempt to move forward at all. Things had been rocky to start off with, their no longer forbidden relationship being an alien concept to them both, but though it had taken a while, they had soon grown comfortable around each other again. But then that had to be turned on his head by none other than Alec and his magical disappearing act.

He'd known it the day he'd met him. Alec was trouble, with a capital 'T'. Logan had naturally been wary of the male X5, but he had grown accustomed to him and in many ways had started to envy him a little. But one thing he had been sure of was that despite Max's assurances, Alec was always going to be a third wheel in their relationship. Whether it was consciously done or not; Alec had sandwiched himself between him and Max, and neither Alec nor Max were aware of the changing dynamics.

It was clear in the way the tension lines in Max's skin just fell away when Alec cracked one of his many lame jokes; the way she threw her head back in laughter when he did something purposefully idiotic just to see her laugh; the way he could make her smile that he himself could no longer do. It was no surprise therefore that he had felt so utterly relieved when he had heard of Alec's departure. Logan had been feeling Max slipping away day by day, and Alec's betrayal provided the rope for him to haul her back in.

He thought it would help them, but that hope had been much too futile.

Watching Max with her back to him, planning away with her family, was a far too apt metaphor for his liking.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

In the space of half an hour, Max had managed to put together three teams of six men. All had been informed of the situation and briefed on the mission. It was simple really: get inside the warehouse undetected; rescue all their people but most importantly do _not_ engage in battle with the Familiars. The less blood shed the better.

Kitted out in her usual black, and armed with nothing but her hand to hand combat skills, Max ordered the teams out. Turning back to headquarters, she glanced at both Luke and Dix, who simply inclined their heads in return, "We'll be on the other side, if you need us."

Max nodded.

That left Logan, standing gravely silent against the wall.

She caught his steady gaze, and felt her heart pummel against her rib cage. She didn't have a clue what to say. She knew he didn't want her to go, but she knew that he knew there was no way she'd listen.

"Be careful," he said.

Max nodded before moving forward and hugging him tightly, "You too."

And then she turned around and left.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

It was an old dilapidated warehouse just inside sector six. The manufacture of the vaccine had had to be carried out in complete secrecy. The few within the government, who had proven to be unlikely allies, had helped in keeping the whole process underground; from devising the formula for the antidote to the Familiar's virus to the distribution and administration of the vaccines. If the public got wind of the transgenics' involvement, their own narrow mindedness would be the death of them. And so the role the transgenics were to play in saving the human race was to remain undisclosed to public eyes until the 'second coming' was well and truly over.

And hence the cover of the inconspicuous crumbling and abandoned remains of a furnishings factory. The camouflage, however, had not simply been for the benefit of the humans – it had been a tactical manoeuvre in protecting the vaccines from the hands of the Familiars. After all, White and his kind had slid seamlessly into the background of everyday life; occupying vital positions in the government. Clemente had vouched for most of the government officials in the know, but it was very possible that his hundred percent certain guarantee that they could all be trusted wasn't quite as hundred percent as they'd liked to have thought. They had a traitor in their midst, and the consequences could be critical.

Max was passionately hoping they wouldn't be.

Turning to look over her shoulder, she checked that all her men were in their assigned places – one team were to cover the exits, guiding any transgenics they managed to free, the remaining two were to infiltrate the building. And they were ready, awaiting her signal. But Logan's grim prediction rolled around gleefully in her mind, taking pleasure in the confusion it was wreaking – causing her to hesitate. _Sounds like a trap, _he'd said. But now there was no uncertainty in it; she knew that it was.

And yet, nodding her head, she gave the signal.

And in they went.

Dirty, cold and damp were perhaps the best words to describe the inside of the desolate building – not an ideal place to be creating what should be completely sterile vaccines but then they hadn't been left with very many choices.

Max and her team blended into the shadows with her second-in-command, Mole, leading in the second team from another entrance. She couldn't see them and she took that to be a good thing. Stealth was all they really had if this was going to be a successful rescue, but from the looks of things they had already lost a hefty percent off their potential success rate.

Old, poorly boarded up windows let in bursts of cold night air. The building was dark; scattered low wattage light bulbs dotted the large room, but the dim light together with their enhanced vision was enough to illuminate the horrific scene before them. There was blood and shattered glass everywhere. All the remaining stocks of the vaccines had been obliterated, and the equipment left in mangled and useless heaps on the floor. Max felt the bile rise in her throat as she caught sight of two bodies lying in a heap to one side of the large room. One was an obvious female, her brown hair covering her face, a hint of a barcode was peeping through on her exposed neck – and Max felt sick. They were too late.

She felt Dewy, an X5 male, beside her shift as he too realised the scene in front of them, "Shit," he swore.

Max would have echoed his sentiments except for the noisy arrival of a burly black haired man into the room. He was dragging a tied up ginger haired transgenic behind him, whilst talking passionately into a cell phone.

"Cam," Max whispered.

She watched in horror as he threw the girl against the wall. She crumpled in a heap on the floor, her hands and feet bound together.

"How long is this going to continue?" he said into the phone, as his hand grabbed on to the butt of a gun that sat in his back pocket. He lifted it out, and apparently satisfied with the answer from the other end of the phone line; he cocked his pistol aiming it straight at Cam's forehead.

And all Max saw was red; not thinking she burst forth out of the shadows, blurred across the room and knocked the gun out of the unsuspecting Familiar's hands. He turned on her, his punch meeting thin air as Max easily twirled out of the way.

"Damn it," Mole muttered under his breath, as he watched their fearless leader completely obliterate her own game plan, "Do not engage with the enemy, my scaly ass!"

The absence of the gunshot had alerted the other familiars in the building that something wasn't quite right, and not two seconds too soon, another half a dozen goons appeared. Signalling to his men, Mole lead them out, guns raised and ready for one heck of a fight.

Meanwhile, Max was left completely winded, as the familiar landed a punch square to her stomach. She reeled backwards; more pissed off than ever. He came at her again, this time aiming a punch at her face. Rolling to the side, she followed it up with a roundhouse kick that knocked him to his feet. Another kick sounded a satisfying crunch as she broke his jaw. He then looked up at her, and Max's blood ran cold; blood was dripping down the side of his face and yet he had a maniacal grin plastered firmly on his face. 'Of course,' Max grimaced, 'pain was a bloody phantom of the mind.' _Whatever;_ she kicked him again.

The other transgenics weren't faring much better. Their opponents were like damn flies that refused to buzz off no matter how many times you whacked them.

"Why don't you just die?" Dewy muttered frustration clearly evident as he engaged in yet another tousle with a particularly resilient familiar. He was pretty sure, he'd broken his nose, jaw and arm, but the guy seemed to have a fetish for pain, "Whatever floats your boat," he shrugged as he delivered a lethal kick to his knees.

Mole cocked his gun, aiming it squarely at a familiar he had finally managed to subdue. If Max was paying attention, she would have told him to leave it. But then, he knew they'd be back and he didn't see any choice but to shoot; one less cult loony to worry about after all. He pulled the trigger.

The gunshot reverberated around the room, and Max found herself frozen to the spot.

Panic seared through her that it was one of her own, but the sight of Mole standing there with spattered familiar blood on his face didn't quell the bile rising in her throat. And neither did the sound of the following words that cut through the icy air like a knife;

"You shouldn't have done that."

Standing up straighter, Max watched as they found themselves surrounded by two dozen familiars. But that wasn't what made her silently tremble; they each had a transgenic in their grasps, guns placed firmly on their temples, and there in the centre stood a smug looking White.

"I knew you'd come 452, being the ever self sacrificing leader after all."

"What do you want?"

"I was just wandering how many more of you I'd have to kill before you did," he continued ignoring Max's question, "Shame you had to come so soon, I was having fun."

"Well you know me; I love to wreck a party."

"It won't work you know?" White said, moving forward, his hands toying with a silver pistol.

"What won't?" Max asked, feigning interest in the madman's ramblings.

"Thousands of years of evolution won't be halted by some plastic encased liquid antidote."

"And yet here you are," Max said snidely.

White grinned, "And here you are – predictable as ever."

"Predictable?" Max snorted in an unladylike fashion, "You really do know how to hurt a girl's feelings, don't you Ames?"

Now it was White's turn to laugh, "That would of course be assuming you were human 452."

"More human than you."

"Like I said, predictable."

Max rolled her eyes, "Can we just get on with this bitch, I've got stuff to do."

White placed the barrel of the gun under his chin, watching her intently. Oh how Max hoped he would pull the trigger.

He moved the gun back down. _No such luck._

"Here's the deal 452. I let the rest of your kind go, in exchange for you."

"You know, I'm beginning to think you have a little thing for me Ames," Max sassed, "I'm flattered, I really am." Max walked up to him, predatory in her movements, her hips swaying as she moved forward. White's hand tightened around the gun. "But, I'm sorry; I just don't think it'd work between us. You know feline DNA, and slimy snake asses never really did mix well."

White's expression told her all she really needed to know concerning his ideas of associating himself with the likes of her. He didn't dignify the comment with a remark, his impatience growing by the second. "Clock's ticking 452, what's it going to be?"

Max had perhaps instinctively known on some level that this was a trap for her; and subconsciously she had already made up her mind the minute she had stepped into the foreboding building. When it came down to her and her people, the answer would forever be the same.

"How do I know you'll let my people go unharmed?"

"You don't," White grinned maliciously, "but you've run out of options, so . . ." He didn't finish the sentence; he didn't need to. Max already knew what his answer would be the minute the words had left her mouth.

Looking up, she looked at the faces of her fellow transgenics staring at her intently; ignoring the ugly sight of the barrels of guns pressing into their foreheads, Max sought the eyes of her most vociferous critic. Mole's expression gave her no clues; she was alone in her decision.

With an audible sigh, Max turned back to face White and opened her mouth. But the words she'd been preparing were wasted when the dulcet tones of another reverberated around the room.

"She's not going anywhere with you White."

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

**A/N 2**: Rubs hands together evilly as dastardly plan forms perfectly in head. So I wonder just who exactly has come to spoil White's little party?

Well I hope you enjoyed it, please leave me a review to let me know what you thought. I live off feedback, so please don't leave me to starve – an "I hated it," or an "I'm still reading, keep going," is better than nothing! Cheers,

**SmilinStar **

**xxx**


	3. January 2023

**An Autumn Solstice**

**Disclaimer: **Let me check . . . no, I still don't own Dark Angel.

**Rating: **PG-13

**Pairing: **M/A

**Summary**: 'For the test of the heart is trouble . . .'

**Author's Note: **Blame my cartridge pen; it just doesn't know when to give the angst a rest.

January 2023 

Somewhere a clock would be striking twelve. A new day, and with it a new year and new beginnings; and as fate would have it, for fate's sole purpose was to torment her, the twelfth strike also brought with it an old face, shattering thoughts of starting over afresh.

She didn't know how she'd forgotten, but she had. And frankly she was glad she had; relief seared through her veins but it was bittersweet; for with the welcome sight came a shock that shook her very core and made her mind spin without inhibition, leaving her entirely disorientated and nauseous.

Outnumbered, and outwitted, White dropped the arm which held his gun. He stared up in defeat as a larger circle of transgenics stood guns raised.

In the group were the familiar faces of the one team Max had ordered to remain behind outside the building – but they were hardly enough to make up the numbers that stood there defending them. On closer inspection she realised that scattered amongst her people were the undoubted black uniforms of the police; headed by Clemente.

But her focus was not on Clemente. Even as she had taken in the sight, her eyes had never quite left the face of the man who was unquestionably responsible.

She wished she had something she could say to him. But her eyes remained unblinking, her mind, feet and mouth stuck. Even when he opened his mouth, his green eyes wide in panic, screaming her name – she stood stock still, unmoving and not hearing.

For if she had, she would have turned to notice the ugly snarl that curled White's lips, the resolution that flickered in his dark eyes and the moment he pulled the trigger.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

"You bastard," he had spat as soon as he had walked through the doors. With red rimmed eyes, fists clenched so tightly he was sure he was drawing his own blood with his fingernails, Logan approached the X5 who had dared to show him his face. Even as he had watched him swing his arm back, Alec had done nothing to stop him.

His head snapped back with the force of the punch. His cheek burned, red finger marks marring his skin as the fist landed in its desired spot. He let him punch him. He deserved it, that much he knew. Silently, Alec simply straightened himself out again. This apparently was the wrong thing to do, for it simply infuriated Logan further, and he pulled back for another punch.

Alec grabbed the Ordinary's arm before it had a chance to make contact again. The change in speed caused Logan to stumble into the X5.

Shoving Alec hard, he regained his footing and took a step backwards.

A heavy silence ensued; only occupied with Logan's laboured breathing.

"How is she?" Alec asked.

Not answering him, Logan turned back around and disappeared down the corridor.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

They were in the hospital. Clemente had insisted on Max being here. Logan had not disputed him when he had come barrelling through the doors of Harbour Lights. News of what had happened didn't take long to find its way down to Terminal City – after all he had been sat there with both Luke and Dix when he had heard the gunshot fired through the radio transmission. It shouldn't have been on in the first place, but Max must have accidentally switched it on in a tousle with one of the familiars. He had all but run out of there at the sickening sound.

But that wasn't all he had heard; and that particular sound had played over continuously in his head as he had driven at hurtling speed to the abandoned factory. He could recognise that voice anywhere, the agonising scream as he had called Max's name had unmistakably belonged to an X5 he had hoped had vanished for good. Gut instinct told him this was all _his_ fault – and that gave way to blinding fury.

Seeing his face had been a devastating blow. Watching him saunter in, whilst Max lay dying, had been the limit of what he could handle. And so he had punched him. And oh, it had felt damned good. Numbing the pain and fear of possibly losing Max, if only temporarily, but it had been worth it to see the look of anguish flitter through those hazel green eyes.

He had had the nerve to ask him how she was. And Logan wanted nothing more to inflict more pain on him, and so he had said nothing. Silences saying more than words could possibly say.

Turning on the spot, he walked away towards Max's room.

His heart thumped loudly against his ribcage as his hand grabbed the handle to the door of her room. Hesitantly, he opened it, and stepped in.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

"So what happens now?" Mole asked, chewing more insistently on his cigar – cold blooded or not, having a gun against your head with death being imminent and inevitable would shake even the most resilient.

Clemente declined the coffee mug thrust in his direction. The suspicious stains rimming it enough to extinguish the urge for caffeine. Dewy shrugged his shoulders, and took a sip for himself.

"Well White's in our custody now, along with the rest of the familiars that were present. We have enough evidence to get them locked up, although I'm not sure how many years a sentence for 'attempted annihilation of the human race' carries."

No one cracked a smile.

Clemente's smile faltered a little, "But they won't be causing any more problems."

"Keep dreaming."

The voice startled them, and they turned around to see who had brought in a cloud of pessimism with them.

"There's hundreds more of them. For every Ames White you get rid of, another will pop up."

"You know, I think I preferred it when you were just a pretty face, pretty boy," Mole said.

Alec grinned fleetingly, before pulling out a chair and sitting down. "I don't mean to put a downer on the celebrations, but the hard truth is that these bastards can camouflage better than chameleons, which means they are still out there and can be anybody at all."

Clemente nodded, "But at least we know they're out there, that's got to count for something."

Alec simply nodded.

"Well I'm gonna head off to see how our favourite familiar's doing behind bars."

Alec stood up, following him slightly out the door, "Listen," he started. Clemente stopped and turned back. Alec shifted slightly on his foot, "Thank you."

Clemente nodded, "But I think you're the one who truly deserves that sentiment."

Alec's disbelief at such a statement must have shown through quite obviously.

Patting the younger man on the shoulder, Clemente smiled reassuringly, "She's going to be fine."

_I hope so._

Alec watched as the man walked away.

"So," came the unmistakable drawl from behind him, "Are we gonna get a better explanation from you now that you're here in the flesh; cos I'm telling you that half-assed explanation down some cheap crackly phone line's not gonna sate my curiosity any longer – doesn't matter how pretty you are boy."

Alec chuckled, "You sure you don't have some feline in your cocktail there Mole?"

Mole readjusted his cigar as Dewy took a seat, his interest piqued, "I sure as hell ain't even a sixteenth pussy, now you gonna explain or not, cos you owe us big. Covering for you for three months wasn't easy."

Alec's smile faded, "Yeah I know. I really am grateful to all of you guys," his eyes landing on Luke and Dix as well, "but I think if I'm going to explain, Max needs to hear it first."

"Well what are you doing here then?"

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

It was 11 at night. The day had crawled by. Most of it had been spent in Terminal City catching up with old friends; most glad to see him back, others sceptical of his return, not that he could blame them, of course. Then there was Joshua; his reaction had been so utterly unexpected. He had simply grabbed Alec by the collar and shaken him for a good ten minutes, and then gone on to envelope him in a bone crushing hug for another ten minutes. Alec was stunned into silence, and the big guy's red, wet eyes didn't help things either. Alec had nearly started bawling there and then; his manhood be damned.

He had been procrastinating of course. But then he could always come up with good excuses as to why he shouldn't be visiting Max's bedside. Logan was as good a reason as any; the man was probably holding a candlelight vigil in daylight and wouldn't hesitate to burn out his eyes with hot candle wax if he so much as stepped a toe into her room. There was also the guilt – a sickening guilt in the pit of his stomach that was twisting his innards gleefully into knots.

This was his fault; there was absolutely no way of sugar coating it to soften the blow. This was entirely his fault. And that's why he was here now. She needed the explanation; that much she deserved.

The room was dark, curtains drawn over the small window on the opposite wall. There was a light being emitted from the machinery beside the bed, along with a soft continuous hum that filled the night time silence. The tick of the wall clock was loud against Alec's eardrums, but his focus was on the sight of the figure in the bed.

Stepping closer, he stopped just few centimetres short of her bed. Curly, dark brown hair framed the face of an unusually pale Max. The slight pinkish tinge of her lips was a stark contrast to the rest of her ghostly skin tone. Both her right and left hand had needle inserts, connecting her up to an IV drip and a bag of transgenic blood donated by Dewy – of all people.

The surgery to remove the fragments of the bullets from where she had been shot had apparently gone as successfully as possible. Part of the fragment had gone so close to her spine, the risk of removing it had been great; but the surgeons were hopeful. Together with her natural healing abilities, the prognosis was a good but cautious one. The overwhelming feeling of relief went without saying but it wouldn't lessen the guilt.

Sighing, Alec took the chair beside her. Logan had left only an hour ago; Alec had watched hidden as the nurses had literally forced him out – and that's when Alec had taken the chance to creep in.

He contemplated taking her hand in his, his hand hovering just above her still one; but something told him that would be inappropriate; almost as if he were taking advantage of her non-responsiveness. And so his hand fell back resignedly into his lap.

He sighed again, wondering what he could say to an unconscious Max. The problem was, he'd have to explain himself all over again when she woke up, and he wasn't sure if he would be able to do that. The other side of him argued that this way he could test run what he'd say for when the time came. But that wasn't the real reason he finally decided to open his mouth; this way he knew he'd be able to say the things he'd never be brave enough to say to her face.

"I've had three months to think about what I'd say to you Max, you'd think I'd have my story set straight by now, wouldn't you?" Alec paused as he processed his own question. "Of course you wouldn't," he smiled wryly as he shook his head. Max knew him well enough to know he was more of a spur of the moment kind of guy. The chance of him having a speech rehearsed was as likely as Dewy taking a shower even once a week.

"Well anyway," he continued, feeling increasingly self conscious talking into the eerily silent room, "I guess you want to know what happened that day; and I really wish I had some answers for you Max; but to be honest, I don't think I even know that yet . . ."

_With a green duffel bag over his right shoulder, Alec didn't even bother to give his apartment another glance. There was no point, he had thought; familiarity would only have made his decision harder. _

_He had found himself pacing the small floor of his apartment after Max had left him, swallowing down glass after glass of scotch. The fiery liquid burned its way down to the pit of his stomach, neither blocking the pain nor self hatred. If he stopped pacing it would only force him to remember the feel of Max's lips on his, her hands in his hair and that horrified look in her eyes when she'd realised what they'd done. And then there were those two damn words, 'I'm sorry.'_

_And he couldn't take it anymore._

_Not thinking, for thought would have tried to have reasoned with him and he was desperately seeking to avoid all reason, Alec walked deceptively calmly into his bedroom, grabbed a few items of clothing and stuffed them into a bag. The physical pain from his leg injury was long forgotten as all his thoughts and energy were consumed with what he was about to do. Turning back to his wardrobe, he grabbed one last object and attached a hastily written note to it._

_Shutting the door to his apartment, he headed off out of the building and towards his motorcycle. Getting on to the bike, he rode off hoping against all odds that that the person he was going to see wouldn't be there._

_And thankfully he hadn't been. Alec knew, if there was one person who could've made him change his mind and crumbled his resolve it would have been Joshua. But he didn't have time or heart for nostalgia, so he left the package on his doorstep and turned away, furiously ignoring the voices in his head telling him this was a mistake._

_Max would hate him even more, he knew; but he had convinced himself that this would be better for everyone and that one day she'd thank him for it. He never really did believe that for one second, but desperation would force him to believe anything but the truth._

_He didn't know how long he had been on the road; he was driving like an automaton, mindlessly riding where the roads led him. He wasn't entirely sure how many hours had passed; the sky had turned dark miles back. Heavy clouds hid the sparkling gems of the sky above him and the only light that greeted him were the artificial road lights far and few in between. _

_He needed sleep he realised but as he passed by a bar, lights still on, he realised his need (or perhaps desire) to consume more alcohol was greater. All ideas of finding a motel vanished as he parked his bike close to the kerb. _

_Turning off the engine, he pocketed the keys in his leather jacket and turned the collar up; well aware that the previous laser job on his barcode wouldn't be lasting too much longer. He walked into the smoke filled bar, and was pleasantly surprised to find it was fairly busy; the chances of being noticed fell three-fold._

_Sliding on to a bar stool with practised ease, he ordered a drink, watching the room with an observant eye. There was a group of old men around a table in the corner with several empty pint glasses in front of them; a younger rowdy lot were crowded around the pool table – and they all sucked, the probable result of vast alcohol consumption. Alec smirked; he could probably drink twice as much as they had and still whip their asses blindfolded._

"_I haven't seen you around here before."_

_Alec looked up to find an older woman staring down at him sceptically. She had light brown hair with numerous silvery grey strands tied up in a tight bun._

_Alec tried his most charming smile, "I'm just passing through."_

"_Ah ha," she said not convinced at all, "Well we don't want any trouble is all – not on top everything else that's going on at the moment."_

"_Right," Alec nodded, gulping imperceptibly, "Well you won't get any trouble from me." He took a long sip from his glass. "So," he started carefully, "What do you mean by everything that's going on at the moment?"_

_The woman gave him an incredulous look, but it wasn't her that answered him._

"_Where the hell have you been boy?" _

_Alec whipped his head around. A stout, balding man stood behind him staring at him with that same incredulity. Alec glanced down nervously at the long rifle in the older man's hand. He didn't notice him looking._

"_Here, there everywhere," Alec answered weakly, thrown completely off guard. His preoccupancy with the gun meant he missed the brief nod the man had sent the woman behind the bar; and before he knew it, he was pulled back roughly as the collar of his jacket was also yanked down._

_Heart beating frantically in his chest, he waited._

_The woman shoved him back upright and slapped him on his back. "Not one of them," she declared._

_The man in front of him then grinned toothily, and outstretched his hand, "Then welcome young man, I'm George, and that's' my wife Mary."_

"_Hi," Alec smiled meekly, his thoughts still on his narrow escape._

"_So you really have no idea, whatsoever, huh?" George said._

"_Nope," Alec lied easily, "None whatsoever."_

_An hour later, and Alec had wished he had given the bar a miss altogether and stuck to his original plan to find a motel, because once George got going, there was no stopping him. He had sat there and endured every slur known to man against his own kind. Apparently, transgenics were brought to Earth by some evil satanic cult that would unleash diseases of devastating consequences on mankind._

"_I think I'm gonna head off," Alec said, finding a rare pause in George's monologue._

_The man looked slightly put out, but it was only fleeting, "Where you gonna go? It's four in the morning?" The bar had emptied quite a time ago, Alec realised. _

_He shrugged, "I'll find a motel."_

"_Honey, there ain't no motel around here for miles," Mary said._

_Alec opened his mouth to tell them he'd be ok when Mary interrupted him, "Why don't you stay with us the night?"_

"_Sure," Alec shrugged, having very little other choice._

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

_Alec had honestly believed he'd be out of that place the next day, but Mary had taken quite a shine to him and wouldn't hear a word of his talk of leaving to roam the country. And so he had stayed put. He realised it was an incredibly foolish thing to do – the people obviously hated transgenics and the repercussions of when they found just who exactly he was, weren't worth thinking about. He knew that if worst came to worst, he could always cut and run. He was becoming quite adept at that._

_The days seemed longer than usual with very little to do to challenge him. He didn't want to admit it, but he missed the excitement of Terminal City; there was always something to be done, and people to do it with. But he didn't want to dwell on it as thinking of Terminal City only served to remind him of those he'd left behind. He must have been having one of those moments just then, as a voice broke the tranquil silence,_

"_So let me guess, you're mooning over that same chick?"_

_Alec got up from where he was sat to look at the figure standing by the door._

_It was Matthew, George and Mary's son. He was around the same age as Alec, and was nice enough, except of course for his stringent view of transgenics, which served only a reminder to Alec that he would have to be moving on soon – his barcode was beginning to peek through again._

"_What chick?" Alec asked. He knew the answer himself; mercifully Matthew didn't, and only really meant to tease him not realising just how accurate his assessment had actually been. Despite Alec's attempts to forget Terminal City and most especially her, he found his thoughts kept straying to Max more often than not. Even miles and miles away he couldn't escape that look in her eyes._

_Matthew rolled his eyes, "Whatever dude, but I'm not letting you sit up here by yourself pining away-"_

"_I'm not pining," Alec interrupted partly affronted._

"_Like I said whatever, but we have a surprise for you."_

_Alec's interest increased a notch, "We?" he asked._

"_Some of my mates and I found something you have got to see."_

_Alec shrugged his shoulders as he followed Matthew downstairs to the bar's basement. _

"_Hey man," one of Matthew's friends whom Alec recognised greeted him once they'd got down there. Another two Alec didn't recognise were also stood there, hands in jean pockets. _

"_We think it must have escaped from Seattle somehow, it's a smart ugly assed freak I'll give it that much."_

_It didn't even take those words for alarm bells to have gone off inside Alec's head. His heightened transgenics alerted him through his own keen sense of smell and hearing as to just what it was they had wanted to show him. _

_And he felt sick._

_Hitting the lights of the normally pitch black basement, Alec found himself watching through gritted teeth, as two frightened eyes blinked open at the sudden light. He was tied up in the corner of the room, behind several kegs, crouching on the dirty floor. He was a cross between human and a rainforest reptile of some sort._

_Alec stood still, his internal horror masked by an unyielding mask._

_One of Matthew's friends grabbed a bottle of wine off one of the racks, unscrewed the cork, and then walked leisurely up to the transhuman._

"_Hey, don't get too close man, it might give you rabies," Matthew sneered. _

"_Must be thirsty huh?" he walked right up to his face, and half crouched down to his level. The transhuman got more agitated, his cry muffled by the gag around his mouth. "Well how about some of this?"_

_Yanking down the rag of cloth, Alec watched as he forced the neck of the bottle down his throat and emptied the entire contents into his mouth._

_The half reptile spluttered against the onslaught of liquid, before his tormenter proceeded to hit the creature over the top of his head with the glass bottle. It shattered into large shards around him, and before Alec even knew what he was doing, he had yelled a "hey!" and moved forward tugging Matthew's friend back harshly._

"_What are you doing man? We're just having a little fun," the guy said._

_Alec caught the eyes of the half reptile, ignoring the fact that all four men were staring at him at that moment. It took only one second looking into those hurt and vulnerable eyes before Alec realised with a snap where his priorities lay. Turning around, fist clenched beside him, he punched the one who had swung the bottle at lightening speed so that he hadn't had a clue as to what had hit him. The guy collapsed on to the floor, mouth bloodied, staring up at him in shock._

"_You're one of them," Matthew said into the shocked silence, there was no question intoned._

_Just as coldly, Alec replied, "Took you long enough."_

"_But you don't have a-"_

"_A barcode?" Alec smirked, "They don't make us who we are."_

"_You're a freak!" One of the idiots spat._

"_And?" Alec shrugged, "What's your point?"_

_Matthew's face screw up in disgust, as he lunged forward. Alec easily caught the sloppy punch, twisted his arm behind his back and kicked him hard. Matthew went flying on to the floor._

_Alec looked up at the other three men, rolled his head and shoulders, brought his hands out in front of him and cracked his knuckles, "So who's next?" he grinned._

_Grabbing Matthew off the floor and half dragging him along, all four ran as if hungry hounds were fast at their heels._

_Alec chuckled lightly. The half reptile transhuman was staring at him, confusion glittering in his eyes. He smiled lightly, as he approached him and gently worked to untie him, "Don't speak much do you?" Alec looked up at him as he untied his feet._

_The creature said nothing._

_Once freed, he was reluctant to move._

"_Okay look," Alec sighed, "I'm not gonna hurt you." Turning around he showed him his barcode. "But we have to get moving now, those circus clowns are gonna go running for the police, and we so don't need that."_

_The half reptile nodded once._

"_Good," Alec declared, "Come on."_

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

_Once outside, Alec breathed a sigh of relief to find his bike still in place. Getting on and turning the key in the ignition, Alec rode out of the small town heading for the main road with the transhuman sitting on the back end of his bike. He thought he could hear the distant sound of police sirens behind him, and so instinctively sped up. Once he was sure he had lost his tail, Alec slowed down. The enormity of the situation hit him. What the hell was he supposed to do now?_

_He couldn't possibly drag the guy around with him everywhere; so much for being inconspicuous and blending in. Only one option seemed to exist; it was the only one that was fair to the transhuman – he couldn't ask him to be the Bonnie to his Clyde when he hadn't a clue what was going on. He deserved to be with his own kind._

_Sighing, Alec fished out his cell phone from his jacket, and punched in the familiar numbers._

"_Hello?" came the recognizable gruff voice._

"_Hey Mole," Alec replied, holding his breath._

"_Alec?" came the surprised response, "Where the hell are you?"_

"_Not important," Alec replied quickly, "Look, I need to-"_

"_Not important?" Mole but half yelled into the phone, "Max is on the damned warpath, everyone thinks you've skipped out on us!"_

"_I haven't," Alec said firmly, "I just needed some time out."_

"_Some time?" Mole said, "You've been MIA for nearly a month!"_

"_Look, I haven't called up to argue or explain; I called to tell you that I found a transhuman tied up in some lunatic's basement. Poor thing was being abused, I freed it and now I need an extraction. He should be back in Terminal City with others like it – doesn't speak very much English at all. So, will you help?"_

_There was a long pause on the other end of the line. Alec almost thought Mole had hung up, but then, "Okay, we'll be there . . . I mean someone's got to still care about his own people."_

_That stung, but Alec couldn't expect anything but anger._

"_Thank you," Alec said quietly, "Please don't tell Max."_

"_Wasn't going to," Mole said coldly, "She doesn't need anymore of your crap."_

"_Right."_

_Mole removed the cigar from his mouth, and held the phone closer to his ear, "Where are you?"_

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

_Alec watched as Mole and Dewy helped the half reptile into their mini-van. Dewy had said very little to him, as he got back into the driver's seat._

"_Listen . . ." Alec started._

_Mole glared at him, his cigar chomping stopping momentarily._

"_I'm not abandoning you guys."_

_Mole said nothing._

"_I just . . . can't be there right now."_

_Mole continued his homage to the art of silence. Alec shifted his weight, "I'm sorry."_

_And that apparently was all there was left to say, as Mole decided not to give him anymore of his time, and got into the car. Alec could only stand and watch as the rear of the van disappeared down the dirt road._

_Alec had spent the rest of that night haunted by those words he had honestly believed he'd said in earnest. Was he abandoning them? And the answer to that question hurt, because the truth was ugly. He was running away. He'd accused Max of doing the same once, and now to add to his growing list of shortcomings was despicable hypocrisy. _

_Sitting out in the open air, with nothing but a bike and the clothes on his back; Alec had never felt more alone. _

_But with it came a new resolve._

_He would fight with them and for them, but he would do it on his own terms._

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

Stretching his long legs, Alec stood up from where he had been sat for the last hour. The hospital room was still dark, and the continuous hum of the machinery had forced its way into the background of his senses. It was still eerily silent except for his heavy breathing. His little jaunt back down memory lane hadn't been pleasant. With his explanation, he had forced open the huge barricades to his emotions, and they had come flooding back to him on a tidal wave. The despair, and loneliness, not to mention his own self hatred for his selfishness had been a feeling unlike any other – and he didn't want to be there ever again.

"It's funny," he said to the still unconscious Max, "You know I actually believed that I could just go on and walk right out of here, never look back, never think about any of you ever again, and that I could just get on with my life; but I guess you taught me more than I know."

He walked over to the window, and pulled the blinds back.

"I came back to Seattle that night," he started again, "and I went to see Clemente. I thought that I didn't have to be on the front lines to help fight this war; that maybe I could do so much more in some other way. And I did." Alec looked back at her.

"I made a deal with Clemente. You and I both know the guy can't stand White – too much ego in one relationship – kind of reminds me of some other people I know."

Alec grinned, "Yeah, I know, that's not funny."

"Anyway," he continued, "I said I'd help him get White, if he'd help with the antidote production. I remembered how difficult we'd been finding it to convince everyone of the Familiar threat, I remember Logan busting his ass trying to get us a hearing – but of course they just thought he was a psycho. Can't say I blame them, I mean the guy has some serious . . . never mind."

Alec took in a deep breath, "You know all those times when you suddenly got some intel you'd been searching days for to help the effort – that was me. Well more Clemente's men. Mole, Luke and Dix knew. They kind of had to out of necessity."

He walked back to the window, and stared out of the glass into the night sky.

"Last night was a set up. I set it up. It was the only way I knew we could incriminate White and catch him. Only, it didn't turn out exactly how I'd planned it."

He was silent for what seemed like an age.

And then finally, "You were never meant to get hurt."

Alec closed his eyes, his head dropping against the cool glass, knuckles turning white as he gripped the window ledge.

"But I did." The words were loaded, doused in double entendre.

Heart thundering in his ears, Alec shook his head in disbelief. Slowly he turned around not at all prepared for two wet red-rimmed eyes to be staring straight back at him.

Taking in a shaky breath, Max struggled to sit up still slightly groggy from all the anaesthesia. A sharp pain snaked its way down her spine as she shifted, still sore from the surgery, causing her to release a small gasp.

Alec hurried forward instinctively to help her up, but was instantly prevented by an icy cold, "don't."

He stepped back.

"I'm-"

"Just don't."

Alec stood still, lips clamped tightly together. The joy he should have been feeling at seeing her alive and well was only eclipsed by devastating guilt.

"Leave."

"Max, I-"

"Leave."

Alec nodded, as he turned towards the door. He spared her one last glance, but Max had already turned her head to stare out the window.

He shut the door softly behind him.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

**A/N 2:** Wow, I seriously thought that'd never end. This is quite possibly the longest chapter I've ever written! I hope you enjoyed it. Alec's verbal explanation of what happened was quite fractured, but that was what I was kind of going for – his head's in a million different places.

I'll keep my plea simple this time: please, please, please leave a review! Thanks for reading, cheers,

**SmilinStar **

**xxx **


	4. March 2023

**An Autumn Solstice**

**Disclaimer: **Let me check . . . no, I still don't own Dark Angel.

**Rating: **PG-13

**Pairing: **M/A

**Summary**: 'For the test of the heart is trouble . . .'

**Author's Note: **Blame my cartridge pen; it just doesn't know when to give the angst a rest.

March 2023

"So I take it you're still in the doghouse with our fearless leader, then?"

Alec looked up from where he was sat in headquarters, a sector map unrolled in front of him and a red pen weaved between two of his fingers. Mole wasn't even looking at him as he had asked the question; too absorbed in cleaning out his rifle.

"She told me to shut up this morning," Alec answered.

"So no then?"

Alec smiled, "I wouldn't say that. Max telling me to 'shut up' is actually inside the realm of normal, I've got to admit I was quite pleased with that."

"You boy, are so whipped – your heads spun a full 360 degrees, and is barely still in place."

Alec chuckled. He wasn't going to deny it. Arguing would be just as futile as the hope that Max might some day return his feelings. He wasn't entirely sure Max had forgiven him yet – not that he was surprised. He had put Max through the wringer; it was going to take a lot to restore that trust which had already been tenuous to begin with. But Alec would take what he could – her snapping 'shut up,' at him was more than he had got out of her for the last two months. Max had taken to completely ignoring his presence whenever he was in the same room as her. It hurt; and that Alec knew was the purpose. She was trying to hurt him as much as he'd hurt her – and he took it because he knew he deserved it.

Max's lack of cordiality was expected, and whilst it wasn't what he wanted at all; he accepted it. Logan, on the other hand, was really starting to piss him off. The man had taken on the high and mighty role of being Max's knight in whirring exoskeleton. He sat in on every meeting they had; voting against Alec at every turn and just being an all round pain in the ass. He constantly questioned his loyalties, bringing it up at every opportunity with snide comments. It was a hundred fold worse if Max was within earshot. Max gave no inclination that she heard what was being said by her beloved – and that stung more than Logan's words ever could.

Dewy had volunteered to kick the Ordinary's ass if he ever said anything out of line again, and though Alec would have loved to have been privy to witness such a match, he knew Max would never be able to forgive him if anything happened to Logan.

And so he had sat there enduring it for the last two months – hoping against all odds that the iciness of Max's treatment would begin to slowly thaw.

But the end of their ice age didn't look like it'd be over any time soon, and looking up at the opening door, Alec realised they were in for another spell of arctic gusts of wind.

"Max wants the reports for food supplies now."

Alec threw his pen on to the table. Mole set his gun on his lap, looking up with sparked interest. The other transgenics in the room also lifted their heads in casual curiosity.

"I haven't finished them," Alec said, folding his arms across his chest and leaning back in his chair.

Logan looked far from impressed as he mirrored the X5's stance, folding his arms across his own chest, "You've had three days."

"Have I?" Alec smirked, "Didn't even notice," he shrugged. "I'll have them done for tomorrow."

"Max needs them now," Logan said through gritted teeth.

Alec grabbed a pile of papers from the table, and held them out to Logan, "You can have what I've done so far."

Logan made no move to take the papers, "I have no idea why she even let you back."

_Here we go again._

"You're a selfish lazy jerk, and you don't deserve to be part of this."

Alec laughed, "That's funny. Last I checked Logan this isn't really your fight. I mean you are rather lacking in some aspects aren't you?"

There was a hushed snigger from the back of the room.

"At least I have a sense of integrity. You ran out on your _own_ people, and then waltzed straight back in expecting everything to be normal. Oh, not before nearly getting Max killed of course."

Alec's grin disappeared. Of course, they wouldn't be able to get through one insult throwing session without Logan bringing up that night. If Alec could have done things differently, if he could have prevented Max getting shot, he would have pulled out all the stops to do so. There was nothing he regretted more than how he'd dealt with everything the last six months, but he had tried to make amends and do the right thing. His actions may have been enthused by selfish motives to begin with, but he had turned around to do the right thing. He had fought for them with everything he had – just because they hadn't seen it, didn't mean he hadn't been as emotionally involved in their plight. It was funny how Logan always seemed to conveniently forget that if Alec hadn't done what he'd done, White would still be out there, the breeding cult would still be under wraps and the transgenics' freedom and citizenship rights wouldn't be the top bill on the political agenda.

Alec was growing tired of the same arguments, and so he remained silent.

Logan smirked; Alec's lack of retort an apparent victory.

The Ordinary went to open his mouth again, but Max's unexpected entry into the room prevented him from gloating.

"What's going on?" she asked, looking at Logan and blatantly ignoring Alec.

"Your boyfriend was just telling us what a poor excuse of a transgenic I am," Alec answered.

Max didn't say anything.

Logan grinned, "I didn't quite say that, but now that you mention it . . ."

Max looked increasingly uncomfortable as she shifted her weight, "Where's the report?"

Alec was caught completely off guard by the question, and by the looks of things Logan didn't look too thrilled either. Apart from two words this morning, Max had purposely refrained from asking Alec a direct question for the two months he'd been back. His widened eyes and shock was clearly evident as stammering he answered her, "I haven't had a chance to finish it yet."

He waited with baited breath for Max's response.

Expressionless, she said, "Have it ready for tomorrow."

Alec nodded, still entirely stunned.

Max saying nothing else, walked back out of the room.

Logan followed hurriedly behind her.

Mole cleared his throat, "What was _that_?"

Alec never said anything as he continued staring at the open door.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

Max could hear Logan behind her, struggling to catch up with her. Her head was pounding inside her skull as she was barely managing to keep her emotions bottled up inside. She loved Original Cindy, she really did, but sometimes that woman made far too much sense than was good for her.

She was having her regular chat with her best friend last night, when OC had brought up the issue of Alec and how she was dealing with him being back. There had been an unspoken agreement between the two friends that the subject wouldn't be brought up until Max was ready to talk; but then, completely out of nowhere, OC had decided to break the cardinal rule.

What Max hated most of all was that what she was saying had struck so true; and it had left her uncomfortably unsettled. She had been holding a grudge for so long, she no longer knew if she was mad at Alec for the right reasons. She was undeniably angry and hurt at his decision to run away that night, she was angry that he had been working for them and hadn't said a word to her, but most of all she was angry that she had spent all that time hating him and questioning his morality and loyalty to his people.

It didn't help that she would often steal glances of him with Joshua and Mole, and commit his smile and laugh to her memory. It didn't help that she would sit there and hope that just once, he would turn around and smile like that at her. And there was that other facet to her anger; she shouldn't have been feeling all of those feelings. She shouldn't have wanted to run up to him and hug him so tightly that she squeezed the life out of him just to check he was real. Logic told her she had every right to be angry and to hate him, but her heart just couldn't do it. And that was why she had said nothing to him for the last two months – she was afraid of what would come out when she did.

And Alec wasn't helping either. He was just carrying on as if nothing had changed. That in itself was adding more fuel to Max's fury. Her attempts to ignore him didn't stop him from talking incessantly in her ears. He still cracked his usual jokes, trying to get her to break; and more often than not, she'd find the tips of her mouth curving up into a smile. She always realised of course in a split second, and then would curse herself for not having more restraint, and would then hate him even more.

But, that was just it. She didn't hate him.

"Max!"

She heard Logan's voice calling her from behind. Max squeezed her eyes shut; she just did not want to deal with this now.

"Max!" Logan called again as he neared the halted Max.

Turning around, she watched the man she was supposedly in love with walk up to her, his face far too serious for a Monday morning.

Slightly breathless, he frowned, "Is everything okay?"

Max shrugged, "Why wouldn't it be?"

"It's just . . ." Logan shook his head, "Never mind."

Max's instinctual curiosity insisted she pressed further, but tiredness and a desire to avoid what confrontation seemed to be brewing resulted in Max turning her back on her interest.

Max smiled awkwardly at the man, "I'll talk to you later; you should probably head off home soon."

Logan nodded.

Moving forward, he went to kiss Max goodbye, but she had moved ever so slightly that his lips met only the soft skin of her cheek. He wasn't entirely surprised as Max walked off. Things between them had been incontrovertibly strained since she had been shot and Alec had returned. Truth be told, things had been strained ever since he disappeared. He figured the only common link was Alec – that, and something Max wasn't telling him.

Sighing, he walked out of the building.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

Turning the key to her apartment, Max opened the door, stepped in and shut it softly behind her. Leaning up against the closed door, Max felt a new wave of guilt wash over her. She had shrugged off Logan, her loving loyal boyfriend; because she was too busy occupying her thoughts with another man, with Alec.

It was ridiculous to even try to compare them; at least that was what she told herself any sane person would think. Alec couldn't be trusted; he'd proven that last year. Logan had stood by her through thick and thin and would never desert her as Alec had. But then that irritating voice in her head would jump at the chance to play devil's advocate, and argued fervently for the male X5; because if she looked at things objectively, Alec hadn't abandoned them at all. He had gambled a lot of his trust to end the Familiars' dominance.

He may have initially run for the wrong reasons, devastatingly illuminating the fact that the transgenic she'd freed from Manticore all those months ago had never really changed. But then, he'd turned back; he'd come back. Maybe not sooner then she would have liked, but then his reasons when scrutinised could only be judged as honourable.

_Honourable, _Max very nearly snorted at such an association with Alec. But it was true, her mind argued.

Max groaned in frustration. Leaving her behind, making her think the worst, making her doubt her relationship with a good man, would never be honourable no matter the intentions.

Moving off from the door, Max made her way to her bedroom. Dumping her jacket on to her bed, Max kicked off her shoes and headed for the shower. She needed to clear her head.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

"I'm thinking you may be out of that doghouse sooner than you think, pretty boy."

Alec glared at Mole.

"How many times Mole, I'm not pretty."

Mole snorted, "So you keep saying, though I'm not sure the string of female X5's hanging round your door every night would agree."

Alec grimaced; those girls were a nightmare, "Don't remind me."

The lizard man chuckled, "You really have got it bad for her."

"Shut up."

The transhuman chuckled even more, "Go talk to her."

"It's too early," Alec argued.

"Yeah, I can see how two months is too early."

"Fine," Alec snapped, standing up, "She'll probably just shut the door in my face."

"Won't know 'til you've tried."

"If she kills me, and then hides my body in pieces, I'm holding you responsible."

"You'll be dead, to hold me responsible," Mole replied with a smirk.

"Right," Alec conceded, "but you'll read my eulogy at the funeral won't you?"

Mole groaned, "Just go, before I shoot you myself."

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

Climbing out the shower, Max pulled a black vest top on, and a pair of comfy slacks. Not bothering to dry her hair, she let the wet strands fall down loosely to frame her face. The water dripped slowly on to her top, leaving damp patches on her back. She didn't care.

Walking into her kitchen she started boiling some water on the gas stove, the smell of coffee enticing her. She really needed a day to just sit on her couch and relax. She was driving herself insane by torturing herself over Alec and Logan. Men in general were more trouble than they were worth. The old adage, 'you can't live with them, and you can't live without them,' sprung to mind. Max groaned; tonight was a strictly male free zone. She even contemplated ringing up OC to come visit her, but then remembered she'd said she would be out with her new honey tonight.

Seemed like she was in for a lonely night. The knock on the door right then, however, said otherwise.

Groaning, Max all but stomped to the door, "This better be good!"

Flinging the door open, Max's eyes opened wide as she stared at her visitor.

"This a bad time?" He asked, knowing full well it was, but didn't turn back nevertheless.

"Yeah," Max said, finally managing to get words out of her mouth, "This is a bad time."

He tried hard not to look so defeated at her cold tone; but the dejection seemed to seep through his words anyhow, "Okay," he nodded, "I'll see you around." Turning around, he walked back down the corridor.

Max could hear OC's voice scolding her in her head, and before she knew what was coming out of her mouth, she'd called out after him, "Alec."

He stopped mid-stride, and looked back over his shoulder.

She sighed, and then opened her door wider, sliding up against it; she motioned for him to come in.

Alec took her up on her offer.

Once inside her apartment, he stood awkwardly in the middle of the small living area as Max shut the door. Turning around, she faced him, barely managing to keep her face devoid of expression, any which may have belied her unease.

"I think we need to talk."

The words had a sort of déjà vu ring to it. She remembered how she had come storming into his apartment that day, saying words of similar effect.

Max would have loved to sweep the looming conversation under the proverbial rug, but then all she had were half rotten floorboards. Instead, she simply nodded; invitation enough for Alec to begin speaking.

"You've been ignoring me," he started with stating the blinding obviousness of the whole situation.

Max said nothing, the implied, "and?" evident in her expression.

Alec took in a deep, steadying breath, "I'm sorry."

He ran an unsure hand through his hair, "I'm sorry I ran without explaining. I just . . ."

Max realised just then that she wasn't ready for this; two months on and the wounds were still as raw as they had been that night she'd let his letter flutter to the ground.

"You know what?" she said interrupting his apology, "I'm kinda busy, maybe another time." She turned back and opened the door, motioning for him to leave.

Alec remained firmly rooted to the spot. His expression, which had only moments ago been clouded with discomfort and insecurity, hardened. "When?" he asked.

Max shrugged, "I don't know. I'm just not ready to deal with this now."

"And when exactly will you be ready to deal with this Max? In what, another two months? Or maybe some time next year? You got a space in your diary where you can fit me in, for say two minutes of your precious time?" He didn't know why he'd snapped; yelling at her certainly wasn't going to help; but he was just so damn tired. He needed to know right there and then whether he'd completely and utterly burnt his bridges with her, or if maybe there was still a glimmer of distant hope.

And just then, Max came to life. It was as if someone had switched the 'on' button. She'd been living on empty for so very long, it was as if she needed some of Alec's energy to recharge her own battery and come to life.

"That's rich! You're the one who ran out on us, why the hell should I even be standing here listening to you dish out some lame excuse; one that I've already heard a million times before. Well, I'm sorry if I'm sick to death of your apologies Alec, but I am. So either change the record, or get out. Then again I have little faith you'll ever change."

She knew those words had cut him, she could tell in the way he'd winced as she'd said them. She would have regretted them if she wasn't so pumped up on adrenaline and believing that he deserved to be pained just as much as he'd hurt her.

Alec laughed quietly, nodding his head, "Don't pretend like you ever gave me a fair go, Max."

Max stared at him, surprised at the turn in the screaming match.

"You've never had any faith in me full stop."

"Yeah, and I wonder why?" Max sneered, with unnecessary malice.

Alec took in a breath, ignoring the fact that Max was obviously looking for a fight. He had something to say, and he wasn't leaving until he'd said it,

"Yes, Max. I have wondered why. First I thought it was Manticore that you saw in me and despised; hence why you couldn't trust me. But then you literally burned Manticore to the ground – so it couldn't be that anymore, right? Then I thought maybe it was cos of Ben - but then I don't think it's that either anymore."

He stepped closer to her; Max folded her arms across her chest in defence.

"You don't have faith in me," he said slowly, "because you don't have faith in yourself."

Max was stunned into silence with the words, but only momentarily as she quickly shook herself out of her short lived stupor. She laughed, "You've finally lost it then?"

Alec wasn't going to be deterred, he continued on, "You don't trust yourself enough to let go, to actually let yourself get close to someone and actually be happy. Look at yourself in the mirror Max. You're not happy, because you'll never let yourself be anything but miserable. Your relationship with Logan is a sham and is as stale as the bread that's been in my kitchen cupboard for the last six months."

"And what would you know Alec?"

"It's obvious to everyone except you Max."

She did nothing but continue to glare at him.

"You're scared of letting anyone in, letting anyone get remotely close to you, because you're scared you're gonna get them and yourself hurt – you're scared you're gonna lose them."

Alec took another step closer to her, inching ever close to invading her elusive personal bubble. She stared up at him resolutely, fighting to keep her face stoic and not belie how hard she was really finding this; or how unnervingly close to hitting the proverbial nail on the head he was.

"And I get it," Alec said, "No one understands that better than me."

And there it was again; Max knew it must probably still torment him. His throw away line of 'I'm always alright,' was nothing if not a sign that Rachel's ghost would forever haunt him.

Releasing an unsteady breath, she closed her eyes. "So why did you do it? If you understand as well as you say you do. Why did you leave?"

"Because I was hurting Max," he answered softly.

Max opened her mouth, eyes once again flaring in anger, but Alec wasn't going to let the conversation escalate again.

"I know you think that's a poor excuse Max, and I don't blame you for thinking so. Look," Alec raked a hand back and forth through his hair, "I'd just lost three men under my command, I had to watch them die and there was absolutely nothing I could do about it. But I couldn't help think I could have done something to stop it. I couldn't have expected you not to blame me, if I blamed myself; but I was so unprepared for how much it hurt that you did."

Max interrupted him then, "I never-"

Alec sighed, "You never had to say it Max."

"That still doesn't make what you did ok," Max said.

"I know," Alec nodded, "I know. In some twisted way I thought I would be doing you all a favour. That maybe you'd get more done without me screwing up all the time. To be honest I didn't think anyone would notice I was gone."

Max snorted.

Alec raised his brows at her response, "What? You're gonna tell me to the contrary?"

Max laughed. It wasn't at all spiteful, but laced with a tremor of incredulity and unabashed bemusement. To Alec, it was the most beautiful sound in the world.

"You have absolutely no idea, do you?" She said, with the barest hint of a smile.

Alec's clueless expression was answer enough.

"Those guys," she pointed down, indicating the entire inhabitants of Terminal City, "love you. The younger ones worship the ground you walk on, the older ones respect you. Hell, even I can't get them to look at me the way they used to you."

Now Alec chuckled, "right," he said disbelieving.

"Yeah well, I don't get it either." She said; all traces of brief amusement now dissipating, and being replaced with the dark clouds of despondency. The moment translated into a short silence, which was broken only by Max when she could no longer refrain from unburdening what had been weighing down on her so heavily for far too long.

"It hurt that you could just turn your back on us so easily." She finally said; her voice quiet and edged with so much raw emotion that Alec was momentarily frozen. He searched for the right words, but knew that whatever he said, they would always be inadequate. He never realised until then, just how much he'd hurt her.

"It was never easy – but it was something I had to do."

His reasons had so many other facets, he just wasn't ready to articulate them all, especially to Max; and so he hoped that that answer would do for now.

Max of course knew there was more he wasn't saying, and there was one other question, in particular, Max was desperate to ask, but she was exhausted from all the emotional exposure, and wasn't sure she herself could cope with anymore.

But Max wasn't the only one with questions left unanswered.

He really should have left the conversation there; he should have said goodbye and then turned around and left. But there was something he still had to know. Ironically, he knew the answer to the question he was going to ask before the words had left his mouth, but he asked nevertheless,

"Are we okay?"

The three words hung in the air, precariously balanced, as Max's eyes widened at the question.

It was an entirely stupid and inappropriate thing to ask. They had barely skimmed the surface of what needed to be said, but Alec just needed to know. It was as simple as that. So much was resting on those three little words. Insignificant three little words, used in so many different guises in everyday speech. But when laced together in that order, those words held more power than was fathomable.

Max stared up at him. It felt as if her throat was constricting, choking her as she shook her head, "No." she whispered.

Alec's face fell – there was no point in pretending that that one syllable hadn't just caused his whole world to crash around his feet. He hadn't really expected a fifteen minute conversation to magically heal the rift between them both; but hope could be downright malicious when it chose to be. The only thing, however, was that Max wasn't finished;

"But I think we will be."

And there was that breath of desperately needed oxygen Alec had so very badly needed. His heart was swelling in his chest with irrepressible and welcomed hope. And that was the lifeline he had sought. He nodded, and not trusting himself with anymore than that, and too scared to push any further. He turned and walked out the door.

Max remained still in place, a single escaped tear rolling down her cheek.

She didn't even know why she was crying.

An hour later, and she didn't know why she was still stood there.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

**A/N 2:** Firstly . . . FINALLY, I managed to get this to upload, I've been trying for nearly a week! What the hell was wrong with ffnet? And secondly, I'm not so sure what to make of this last chapter. Let me know what you thought. Also just to let you know, I've started the next chapter but fast approaching exams and impossible amounts of info to cram into my head means the next update may take a while . . . ducks.

As always, thanks for reading,

**SmilinStar **

**xxx**


	5. April 2023

**An Autumn Solstice**

**Disclaimer: **Let me check . . . no, I still don't own Dark Angel.

**Rating: **PG-13

**Pairing: **M/A

**Summary**: 'For the test of the heart is trouble . . .'

**Author's Note: **Blame my cartridge pen; it just doesn't know when to give the angst a rest.

April 2023

Terminal City was empty.

The streets were barren, all excepting a small black and grey cat casually perusing the upturned garbage bin for passable leftovers.

Standing in the centre of the city, just outside the transgenic headquarters, which also happened to be devoid of any sentient life, Logan could feel the pangs of panic peaking into a full blown anxiety attack.

He'd tried paging Max several times, but she'd failed to contact him once. Dread that something had gone disastrously wrong was a feeling Logan was unfortunately well accustomed to, but this time the anxiety was different, unnameable.

Transgenic hearing would have been most welcome at this point, but the cheers that seemed to resonate through the entire city just then was well within the human hearing range, and Logan felt himself jump at the sudden disturbance to the silence that had enveloped him. His head turned in the direction, and with hurried footsteps he followed the sounds of the voices of the masses.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

A huge cheer erupted from within the large mess hall. Packed together, the entire inhabitants of Terminal City stood shoulder to shoulder, watching as their mutual friend, Detective Ramone Clemente, took to the stage, ready to address a conference room filled with some of the most important politicians of the country.

"Nice work, pretty boy."

Alec smirked as he took a sidelong glance at his friend, "Well I like to think so," he returned with a smugness that only he could pull off and still come out the end as universally lovable as ever.

The mess hall had been converted into a cinema of sorts. With the huge white screen at the front, and the projector Alec had managed to score, together with a little bit of Dix's genius to hook them up to a live feed; it was like watching one huge widescreen television with your entire family, squashed together as if at a rock concert.

Someone hushed from behind for silence. That had little effect. Another transgenic yelled an emphatic, "Shut up!" That seemed to do the trick, as the room fell down to a manageable quiet.

Today was the day.

Today was the day that all hope rested on a sheet of paper and the people that would make those written words a reality. _Freedom. _It was a foreign word to them all. Alec didn't believe for a second that any of them actually knew what it meant let alone felt like – but instinct told them all they needed to know.

But Alec was a realist; hardened by all the lessons he'd learned on the outside; he knew that freedom would come at a price and that it would never be able to live up to all the glories of its promises. If he knew where he could score himself a pair of rose coloured glasses, he would have them perched on his nose by now, because as it was, being a pessimist sucked the fun out of everything. And for lack of a better way of putting it; it damn well _sucked_.

"So how do you reckon they'll vote?"

Alec turned slightly to look at the X5 who had spoken. Dewy was stood there, fingers in mouth, nervously biting his nails. Alec smirked at the sight, "Not sure – it could easily go either way."

"Well let's hope it goes our way," Mole chipped in.

Alec silently agreed.

The arguments for and against providing the transgenics with full citizenship and human rights had been presented. Clemente had given a faithful account of what it had been like working with themselves in creating and mass producing the vaccine, never hesitating once to paint the transgenics in whatever positive light he could. His statement that the government had created the situation they were now in, that it had been them who had forced the situation on the unknowing transgenics, and that they should take responsibility of their actions instead of trying to wipe their hands clean and scourge the stains of their own violation of basic human rights, was met with twitters of indignation amongst the politicians.

The response inside Terminal City was of wholehearted agreement and unity.

"He's good," Alec mused, as he watched the detective end his speech.

He should have continued listening to what he was saying. By the general atmosphere that was building up around him he was positive the concluding parts of Clemente's speech were nothing if not rousing, but Alec's focus had quite suddenly shifted to an entirely different sense altogether.

He had smelt her approach before he'd heard her. It was instinctive; his heart would give a little jaunt as if it had only just been kick-started into life. No obvious alterations could be noted in his outward appearance and demeanour, and so no one could suspect the havoc she wreaked inside him from just being in the same room.

"He definitely is," Max said coming up to stand beside the male X5.

Alec looked down at her, and could do nothing to stop the upturn of the edges of his mouth, "I thought you were watching from the comfort of your own office?"

"Nah," Max dismissed, "Looks like the party's down here."

Alec chuckled, "You could say that." The entire mess hall erupted once more into cheering and clapping as Clemente stepped down from the stage.

"Though I hope," he continued, shouting slightly over the ruckus, "We're not celebrating too soon."

Max smiled at him. He was certain his heart had just skipped a beat. "Nope," she said. "I think today's gonna be a good day."

And he believed her.

He no longer had reason to doubt her.

After all, it had been less than a month ago when she had renewed his hope of getting their friendship back on track. Her words that they would be okay, had slowly but surely turned out to be true. The effort had been huge on both sides – perhaps born from a common desire for the comforts of normality; both he and Max had worked hard to repair the gaping holes in their relationship. The wounds were still there of course – but that was to be expected. They wouldn't just heal overnight; but things were undoubtedly looking up.

He didn't particularly want to ask, since he really couldn't care less, but pleasantries mandated he did, and so doing his best to sound as casual as possible, he asked, "So where's Logan?"

The resulting response came as quite a shock.

Max's eyes bulged wide, her hand coming to cover her open mouth, "Damn!"

She turned on her heels hurriedly, and all Alec could do was watch with momentary bemusement. Once unfrozen from his spot, he followed her trying his best to catch up with the female X5. As it was, manoeuvring between the hundreds of transgenics in the hall was no easy feat, and he found it difficult keeping an eye on the mass of dark locks weaving its way around the throng of bodies that had been packed together like sardines in a tin.

"Max!" he called out.

She didn't hear him – the noise levels soaring once again.

"Max!" he tried again.

This time she heard him, and stopped. Turning around, she searched for his face, finding it in the crowd she gave him a sympathetic smile, "Sorry."

Alec with one last burst managed to find his way to stand in front of her, "What's going on?"

She grimaced, "I told Logan I'd be meeting him today for lunch."

"Today?" Alec asked, eyebrows raised, "But-"

"Yeah, I know. Well, I didn't know at the time I agreed to it. I mean we honestly didn't expect our political cause to get this far so quickly – so at the time Logan asked me to lunch, of course I said-"

"Whoa, hang on a second," Alec interrupted, "How long has Logan been planning this 'lunch'?" He even motioned the inverted commas with his hands, because though he didn't want to admit it, it seemed like the cyber-journalist had been preparing for something special with this 'lunch.' And Max's answer just confirmed it.

"Three weeks ago," she said.

Silence followed, in which the penny shortly dropped.

"Oh god," Max's eyes went wide, "No way," she stuttered.

God, Alec hoped she was right, because it didn't bear thinking about.

"He wouldn't," Max shook her head.

Alec said nothing, hope sparking in the pit of his stomach at her reluctance to believe the idea. But then the eternal pessimist in him would whine in his ear, that she was probably shocked but in actuality truly thrilled at the prospect.

She looked up at him, her brown eyes still wide. Alec was certain he saw pity and sympathy for him in them; and he felt like a fool, a fool who had let hope get the better of him again.

"Well you better go then."

He was sure his eyes were playing tricks on him again, or more likely hope playing twisted games with his heart, but for a mere beautiful second he thought he saw her hesitate. He thought he caught unwillingness in her stance – but the moment was fleeting, almost as if it had never been there in the first place.

She nodded mutely, and turned away.

And all he could do was stand there and watch.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

_No, no, no._

Logan couldn't possibly be planning to do what she thought he was going to do.

She just couldn't deal with it.

But it made sense.

It was the only thing that did.

The clues had been there all along.

He'd been dropping them like anvils for the last couple of weeks.

And she just didn't want to think about it.

What the hell would she say?

What on Earth was she supposed to do?

And then there was Alec.

_Oh, God._

With her head spinning mercilessly, her heart pounding in her chest, she could do nothing but watch her feet as she walked. Everything else around her was too much for her senses, as she tried desperately to focus on just one coherent thought. But it seemed she would not be granted the luxury of time, as she found herself barrelling head first into the soft chest of one of the two men who tortured her in her sleep.

"Logan," she stammered, taking a step back from him.

He didn't say anything as he looked down at her.

"I was just coming to look for you," she said.

He still said nothing.

"There's some good news," she smiled brightly; "We're finally getting a hearing. We're all waiting to see how the vote goes as to whether they pass the bill or not."

His jaw twitched slightly, before he opened his mouth. The words she could tell were strained, "So is that where everyone is?"

Max nodded, "Yeah, we're all packed in the mess hall watching the vote – its mayhem in there," she half smiled, hoping to elicit an emotional response of some sort from the man.

"I'm guessing you want to cancel lunch then?"

And there was her chance. She could turn away and return to the comforts of her own people, or go with the man she had once believed she would love forever. She had never been more certain than at that point of what Logan had been planning for weeks. He was paler the normal, his voice laced with anxiety, and his feet were moving non-stop – a few centimetres back and forth every three seconds or so.

The question wasn't so much about what Logan wanted; moreover the question was what she would say in answer.

She would have thought there would have been a semblance of hesitation in her answer, but the response that echoed in her heart was resoundingly unanimous.

It had been months since that one night when her entire world had spun on its axis, and completely realigned the stars in the night sky. Her eternal compass having been lost that night, she had struggled to set herself back on the path she had only ever known. Of course, the alignment of the stars had slowly but surely been corrected, perhaps not fully, perhaps _never_ fully, but just enough to know where exactly her true North lay.

And the Earth shattering realisation that had only just encompassed her, in that very moment, was that her compass wasn't pointing towards the man in front of her, and perhaps never had been.

She had been reading it wrong.

"No," she shook her head, smiling brightly, "Lunch sounds good."

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

**A/N 2:** Ok, so I think I went a little too heavy on the metaphor there – but it makes sense, to me at least!!! Now, this chapter was supposed to be short, confusing and as infuriating as hell as possible, although the more astute amongst you may be able to guess what I was hinting at with Logan's planned 'Lunch'. Any guesses? On another, I suppose related note, don't be deceived by the apparent 'fluffiness' of this chapter, it may look as if Max has taken a few steps in the right direction, but she's still got a whole lot of learning to do . . . I'm also sure there may be some of you with an eye for constructive criticism who may suggest that I've resolved the conflict between Max and Alec too quickly, however, in my defence – a month has passed, and things aren't all peachy yet.

And I know I said at the end of the last chapter that this chapter would be taking a while because of unavoidable exams, but I still feel the need to apologise to those of you still reading for the delay. As infuriating as this chapter may have been, I hope you still enjoyed it.

Ok, rambling over . . . please review!!!!

**SmilinStar **

**xxx**


	6. May 2023

**An Autumn Solstice**

**Disclaimer: **Let me check . . . no, I still don't own Dark Angel.

**Rating: **PG-13

**Pairing: **M/A

**Summary**: 'For the test of the heart is trouble . . .'

**Author's Note: **Blame my cartridge pen; it just doesn't know when to give the angst a rest.

May 2023

It had been nearly a week, but the rumours were still spreading thick and fast like wildfire through Terminal City. It hadn't helped that no one had received confirmation either way. The gossiping was spinning out of control, some of them ravenous in their attempt to keep the rumour mill afloat.

It was a miracle that Max hadn't heard.

Or Alec.

"No, no, no Josh, leave that," Alec called out; arms loaded with two large cardboard boxes piled high, half blocking his view. "That TV's had its day; I'm getting myself a new boob tube – surround sound, widescreen-"

THUD.

Alec stopped mid-sentence at the sound of Joshua dropping the television from his over six foot height on to the wooden floor. The glass of the screen miraculously hadn't shattered, though it had probably left a large dent in the floor of his apartment.

Alec shrugged, "I guess that's one way to do it."

"What on God's green Earth . . ."

Alec moved his head slightly so that he could see past the brown box in front of him and match a face to the voice which had darkened his doorway.

"Hey OC," he grinned; not that the grin met its intended recipient.

"Is that . . ." OC pointed to the now defunct television set on the floor in front of Joshua's feet, she shook her head, deciding not to linger on such trivialities as a large crater in her friend's living room caused by his own beloved boob tube, "Have you seen Max?"

Alec sat the boxes back down, and frowned, "Nope, something wrong?"

"It's just I haven't heard from my girl for a few days – not since all those crazy rumours been flying around."

Alec raised his eyebrows, "What rumours?"

It was OC's turn to display her incredulity, "You seriously haven't heard?"

"Obviously, otherwise I wouldn't be asking."

OC's hand twitched, eager to smack the arrogant transgenic over the head; in the end she settled for a muttered, "smartass."

She motioned for both Alec and Joshua to take a seat.

Bemusedly, both did so.

OC figured they'd need something solid behind them once they heard what she was about to say.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

Hands on hips, Max stood by the window and stared down at what little of the city her four panes of glass showcased. Same old miserable Seattle. Funny how it was now synonymous with supposed freedom. Sure they'd won, the bill pronouncing transgenics to be free reigning citizens having been successfully passed, but that didn't mean they'd won the war yet. The government were still keeping a tight leash on them; it figured that they would have a rather limited definition of _freedom_. She hadn't really expected much more than that, to be devastatingly honest.

A number of the transgenics, particularly the transhumans, had decided to remain behind in Terminal City. And she understood it. They'd built themselves a home there; they were family and they stuck together. The world was still a daunting place to them; especially since most would be the central focus of finger pointing and malicious sneering, just because they looked so different from normal.

Normal.

What the hell was normal?

Max didn't think anything could really be classified as normal. In fact that word should probably have been swiped from existence centuries ago. Normal. There was no such thing.

Sighing, Max turned away from the dark skies to view her poorly lit surroundings. Home sweet home. It was good to be back, but her return to her old shared apartment with Original Cindy was accompanied by a keen hollowness.

She missed her family.

OC was undoubtedly part of that family, but there were many missing. Joshua was bunking with Alec; Mole, Luke, and Dix were still in Terminal City; Dewy was . . . somewhere; and Logan . . .

Yeah, well that was for another time. Though the name no longer induced an almost catatonic state of melancholy like it used to, it was still a tough subject for Max to broach even in her own mind.

She was lonely. That was the crux of the matter. But then paradoxically she was almost afraid of the company. That of course wasn't entirely accurate. She was afraid of a certain someone's company.

Things weren't perfect between them. The shadow cast by the last few months still hovering over them. Sometimes there was a forced civility between them that was simply stifling. Others they would fall into comfortable silences, that would promptly turn awkward when Max realised how openly vulnerable she was leaving herself. She wished she could turn back the clocks, somehow make everything as it had been; how it should be. The last few months had changed them all, perhaps for the wiser, perhaps for the more cynical or perhaps even both. Either way, they were stronger for it. And so maybe things really did happen for the best.

Lost in her tangle of thoughts, she almost missed the sound of the hesitant knock on her front door.

Pushing a half full box of her clothes against the wall and out of her pathway, she made her way across the living space to open the front door.

She should have known who it was.

He had an uncanny ability to just appear whenever he should wander into her thoughts.

Funnily enough recently it seemed to be a frequent occurrence.

"Hey Max," he smiled. It was a cautious lopsided grin, one that wasn't sure whether his presence was welcome or not.

Max didn't smile back.

It was just who she was; smiles from her were a rarity, so when she did smile, it was all the more special to Alec especially if he was on the receiving end.

"Hey," she said, and turned around to re-enter her living space, assuming he would follow her.

That of course, he did.

Max watched him as he made his way into her peripheral vision. She never turned to fully face him, but she could still see him clearly and tried her hardest to read him.

This was awkward, and she had no idea why that was.

There was something about his stance and expression that screamed hesitancy and doubt. And rather more peculiar still, a certain air of sadness lingered around him, which she could neither define nor explain. The concern that rose inside her was of its own volition, she had no control over it.

That didn't mean she'd ask him unless he brought it up by himself.

And so instead she asked, "I was just gonna make a cup of coffee, want some?"

Alec shrugged, "Sure."

Max nodding moved around the kitchen and put some water on the boil on the gas stove.

Alec watched her, tapping his finger to a nameless beat on the worktop, trying to work out what to say.

OC had warned him that what she had heard were strictly rumours and that they were extremely unlikely to be founded on truths. For one, Max was moving back in with OC, but the still unpacked and seemingly untouched boxes indicated to the contrary.

He figured there was no easy way to broach this subject than perhaps just coming out and asking her directly. Or maybe not that directly,

"OC must be either gutted or overjoyed."

Max quirked a brow, staring at him with a little confusion thrown into the mix, "You'll have to ask her that."

Alec nodded, quietly muttering, "right". His unspoken question answered with that single remark.

Turning Max fished two mugs out of a cupboard and placed them on to the kitchen counter. Pouring the hot water into each mug, she looked back up at her visitor.

Alec was staring out the window on the opposite wall of the room from where he was sat; looking far more pensive than she had ever seen before and known that he was capable of.

Curiosity won the minute she thought she could see the reflection of the darkened skies turning his bright hazel green eyes a murky grey.

"Is something wrong?"

Max's uncharacteristic softness in expression was enough to break Alec's trance. He turned to Max abruptly, eyes no longer grey but blazing an almost entirely molten green, "You're happy, though, right?"

Max was taken aback by the turn of the conversation. She opened her mouth, before promptly shutting it again.

He continued to stare at her intensely as she stumbled over her words,

"Uh, yeah, I guess."

He nodded, "That's good." He forced a smile, "That's really good."

Max stared at him, fearing he'd finally lost his mind – all that alcohol finally wreaking its revenge despite being a transgenic.

He moved to stand up, but Max had reached up over the counter and grabbed his hand, stopping him.

He lifted his eyes to meet hers.

Whoever said that the eyes were a window to the soul, had obviously never met Alec. He was the yet to be proclaimed king of building impenetrable fortresses, because no matter how hard anyone ever tried it was hard to see anything of Alec further than what was on the surface.

Of course that didn't mean she hadn't seen him – the part he furiously hid from plain view. She'd seen him_ that_ night; when his whole soul had been laid bare for her to see. The anguish, vulnerability, the ghosts that haunted him in his sleep had been there as clear as daylight for her to see, and he had let her see them. And it had simply been because that night he had been so broken and tired, that he had no longer had the energy to build his defences.

And it was now looking up at him, shuttering himself off and distancing himself off from her, that she realised. She finally understood, and could let go of the last part of her who desperately craved to hate him for leaving them. He would never have let her see as much as she had that night, if he hadn't have been so desperate. That maybe she had been partly to blame, never once taking the time to say anything that would have shown how much he had meant not only to her, but everyone at Terminal City.

"I'm sorry," she whispered. The words held different meanings to both, neither aware of their asynchronous wavelengths.

"Yeah," he whispered, his voice catching in his throat.

"I'm gonna go," he said, after a deep steadying breath.

He patted the hand that was still on his arm.

She moved around the counter, to stand next to him, slowly sliding her hand out of his grasp as she did so. She almost stumbled forward as she felt a force suddenly work against her.

Alec had grabbed her hand back again, and was looking at it in abstract fascination; turning it over in his fingers, staring at her own.

Max laughed nervously, "Alec?"

"Where is it?" he asked.

Flummoxed, she asked the obvious question, "Where's what?"

He looked up at her, eyes wide, no longer shuttered but alive as he said, "the ring."

The surprise that washed over her expression was blatantly displayed, "the ring?" she asked.

"The engagement ring," he said slowly.

And then it dawned on her.

And all there was left to do was laugh.

Alec continued to watch her far too seriously, his face never once breaking into a grin to match hers.

"I'm not getting married Alec," she finally managed to say.

Silence followed.

"Alec?"

"Wait a minute, then what was . . . why did . . . I thought Logan . . . everyone's saying . . ."

Max frowned, "Everyone's saying what?"

"That Logan proposed last week, and that you said . . ."

"Yes?"

Alec ran a hand through his hair, "Yeah."

"Well no, I didn't."

"You didn't?"

Max shook her head, "No, I didn't because he never asked."

"Oh."

And then the unfathomable happened. Alec was blushing. His cheeks had become tinged with a soft pink, and his eyes had dropped to the ground, avoiding hers.

"So let me get this straight, the whole of Terminal City thought Logan and I were engaged?"

Alec's silence was answer in enough.

"Where the hell did they get that idea from?"

Max of course knew how whoever had started the rumour had jumped to that conclusion, because truthfully she had feared that Logan had been planning something of a similar scale last week. Not to propose, no, but some other undetermined next step in their rather stale relationship. Her fears hadn't been unfounded; Logan's behaviour in the weeks leading up to that lunch date had been suspicious at best; he'd been dropping hints like anvils. Of course, before he'd even opened his mouth and asked the question, she had made up her mind long before.

It had saddened her, but not as she thought it once would. The man she had loved for so many years, was still the same, and whilst she was loathe to use the tired phrase, "It's not you, it's me;" that's just exactly what it was. Logan hadn't changed, but she had.

_It was a nice place. There was absolutely nothing wrong with the restaurant. She just didn't really fit in. It was a little high class for her likings, and the waiter was a snobby ass; but other than the fact she felt out of place and uncomfortable, she couldn't really complain. _

_Of course the timing sucked. She was their leader, and here she was eating an overpriced lunch when her entire family were waiting anxiously without her for news that was to shape their futures. It was a testament to how much she had changed, how much they had grown apart, that she would rather be packed together in a stuffy, raucous mess hall than be here with her loving boyfriend. _

"_I'm sorry," Logan said._

_Max looked up, "For what?"_

"_I know the timing's off, and that you feel like you should be with everyone else back in Terminal City-"_

_Max cut him off, "It's okay, I mean you couldn't know right?"_

"_We could go back if you want?"_

_Max shook her head, "They'll be alright."_

_Logan smiled tightly, raising his wine glass, he said, "To freedom, and us."_

_Max raised her glass to the toast._

_They continued to eat in a mutual silence, only broken by Logan after they'd finished their main course, "I've been thinking," he started._

_Max felt the stirrings of panic in the pit of her stomach. It was now or never._

"_I think that we should . . ." Logan paused._

_Max waited with baited breath, as Logan started again, this time reaching over the top of the table to grasp her own hand in his._

"_Once the bill's passed, I think we should move out of Seattle. Start again afresh. Together."_

_He was watching her intently, his hope displayed in all its sincerity clearly on his face. Max didn't want to be the one to shatter it, but courage sought she did what was right for the both of them._

"_I can't," she whispered._

_And if that hadn't been hard enough, she slowly slid her hand out from under his. The symbolisation not lost on Logan._

"_Why?" he asked, voice hoarse._

"_Because I belong here."_

"_Don't you see, after the bill's passed, you're free, you don't have to be a leader anymore? Max, you need to let them live their own lives. But more importantly, you need to live your own life. You deserve to be happy too Max."_

_Max could feel her eyes well up with unshed tears. She shook her head, "They're my family."_

_Logan nodded. Looking up, his eyes searching he asked quietly, "And what am I then?"_

_She had no answer that wouldn't break his heart._

Alec's "I have no idea," lead her back from memory lane to the present.

She sighed, rubbing a tired hand across her face as she sat on the stool beside the kitchen counter.

Alec watched her, "Max, what's wrong?"

She shook her head, laughing quietly, almost dejectedly.

Looking up at him, her gaze latched on to his expressive and concerned hazel greens, "He wanted me to leave Seattle with him. So I guess the rumours weren't far off."

As quick as his heart had risen it had fallen right back down to the depths of desperation with those words. Looking at the unpacked boxes he almost wanted to die right there.

"So," he cleared his throat, "When do you leave?"

Eyes wide, Max stared up at him, confusion written all over her face.

Standing up slowly, her eyes never leaving his face with dawning realisation, she said, "You think I said yes?"

He took a step back from her, "Its fine Max. You've done what you had to do, and no one deserves a new start and some happiness more than you." His voice strong and steady, the complete opposite to how he was actually feeling. He nodded his head in finality, and outstretched his hand.

Max stared at the proffered hand.

She made no move to shake it.

Heart crushed to smithereens, Alec retracted his hand. A slight tremor ran though his arm as he did so. All he could think was that she hadn't forgiven him. She still hadn't forgiven him, and now she was leaving.

"Good luck, Max," he whispered, before turning around and walking towards the door, feeling detached and numb.

Shock didn't begin to even encompass Max's feelings, but she knew she had to act fast. She had to resolve the misunderstanding before he left thinking she hated him; when nothing could be further from the truth. Not that she knew it herself.

"I said no," she said to his back.

He stopped mid-stride. He didn't turn around to face her as he heard her soft footsteps approaching him from behind.

He could feel her breath lightly on his back, but he daren't turn around. He wasn't entirely sure her words had registered let alone understood the implications of them. Max's long fingers curled around his upper arm and he felt her pulling him to turn to face her.

He could have been in no way prepared to face what he saw when he finally met her eyes.

He wasn't sure she'd ever looked at him with so much sincerity, candidness and, most heart flutteringly of all, affection.

"I turned him down," she repeated for clarity's sake for it seemed Alec was still caught in the whirlwind of confusion.

He would have said something but his brain seemed to be piecing everything together with milliseconds of lag.

Max managed a small smile, "I told him I belong here; that this is my home. My friends, family are all here. I couldn't just get up and leave everything I've ever known."

"Not even for Logan?" Alec asked.

The question surprised her but she answered without missing a beat, "Especially not for Logan."

Alec shook his head, stepping aside from Max he moved over towards the window on the far wall, "Why?"

"Why do you think, Alec? You said it yourself. Our relationship was going nowhere."

Alec let out an unexpected laugh, "So what you just gave up?"

Max hadn't expected that either, "What the hell do you want me to say Alec? That I no longer loved him, because I do love him. I always will, but that doesn't mean I'm _in_ love with him."

He said nothing.

Max was angry and she didn't even know why.

"I thought you'd be happy," she half spat.

"And why's that Max?"

Her mouth snapped shut. She didn't know what possessed her to say that. The implications were enormous, and she wasn't sure what she expected to hear and whether she wanted to hear it.

Alec turned away from her to stare back out the window in resolute silence. He ran a hand over his face, the action a symbol of his exhaustion. Emotionally he'd been put through the shredder and he had no idea why he felt so angry all of a sudden.

Perhaps it was the fact that for so long all that Max had known was Logan. And now the fact that she just so easily dismissed him made him wonder, albeit not of his own free will, if she would be so cavalier in her attitude to other people in her life. And it scared the hell out of him.

"I'm gonna go," he said finally, quietly.

But Max had other ideas.

Planting herself firmly in front of her door, and his only escape route, she stopped him in his paces.

They had been skirting the issue for so long, Max was too tired to draw out the unnecessary for any longer than was needed.

"Max?" Alec intoned his voice low in warning.

"No," she said, "You're not going, not until we sort this out once and for all."

"There's nothing to sort out. You and Logan are over, you're staying in Seattle with OC, good for you, there's nothing to talk about."

"Why did you come back?"

Floored at the question and the abrupt turn of the conversation, Alec stared at her. Their whole encounter had been weird: odd bits of conversation woven together haphazardly, neither one really answering any of the questions that continued to linger and fester in their minds. It seemed Max was taking the bull by the horns and finally trying to get somewhere with their intricate and convoluted dance.

"Why do you think I came back?" he retorted.

"Stop it!" Max all but yelled, "Just answer the damned question, Alec."

Silence ensued.

"Don't feed me that same bullshit story about wanting to fight against the Familiars on your own 'terms' and making a bloody difference. You did that fine, but you didn't have to come back with us. Why did you?"

"You really want me to spell it out for you Max?"

His face loomed dangerously close to hers. His hot breath firing her cheeks, his eyes wide enough to see each individual fleck of colour in his irises. She shouldn't have let her gaze drop any further, but they instinctively fell to his lips and she was assaulted by the memories of that night, which only served to remind her of _that_ kiss.

Alec followed her gaze, and he almost lost all self control there and then.

He figured she just enjoyed tormenting and torturing him. And he bore it. He knew she would never feel the same way as he did, but every now and again, Max would taunt him with glorious glimmers of hope; just like the way she was staring at him now. He could peg the look on her face to so many different things, but the fact that her heart pulsated right through her chest and straight through his own, entwining and gripping viciously at his own heart resulting in them both beating in synch, cast shadows of doubt in his head as to whether he was interpreting her right.

Maybe just maybe, they were finally on the same wavelength.

And so he inched forward.

And this time it wasn't him that finally closed the distance.

It was her.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

**A/N 2:** Okay folks, just an epilogue to go now! Please review! You know that nice purple button? It's just calling out to be pressed! Make this writer smile, you know you want to!!!

**SmilinStar**

**xxx**


	7. Epilogue: October 2023

**An Autumn Solstice**

**Disclaimer: **Let me check . . . no, I still don't own Dark Angel.

**Rating: **PG-13

**Pairing: **M/A

**Summary**: 'For the test of the heart is trouble . . .'

**Author's Note: **Blame my cartridge pen; it just doesn't know when to give the angst a rest.

Epilogue

October 2023

Red, orange, yellow and brown; the streets were covered in layers of crispy fallen leaves, signifying the arrival of yet another season in a long year.

From where she was sat, a vast, colourful sea seemed to expand around her. People milling about their daily business in the far distance, to the cluttered roads packed with vehicles and the massive queue as the unlucky waited for more gas. She smiled in satisfaction, her gas tank having been filled not two days ago.

The wind blew around her just then, a few wayward strands of hair flying from her face, and whipping behind to join the rest of her masses of curls. A sigh of contentment escaped her lips as she stretched her feet out in front of her. She hadn't felt like this, well, ever really. As it was the smile that had replaced her perpetual frown suited her. That's what everyone told her, anyway.

It seemed that she finally had something to smile about. The transgenic plight was making more and more headway everyday. In fact, just the last week, the government had poured a substantial amount of funding into helping to rebuild Terminal City and make it more liveable. Dewy had wanted to argue that they had lived just fine as they had been in the City and that the money wasn't really necessary, but Mole had promptly squeezed a very large hand around the smaller transgenic's arm and halted him mid-sentence. It was a step in the right direction, and they would take what they could.

Joshua's art pieces were once again the talk of the art world, with Rita firmly by his side helping to fuel his creativity and spur him on. Rita, much like Clemente had been great aides to the transgenic cause, back in the dark days, when their futures had been so precariously balanced in pursuit of survival.

It was exactly a year to the day.

That small fact had been playing furtively at the back of her mind from the minute she had woken up to greet the warm sun shining through her bedroom window; and it had not left her, hazing in and out of the forefront of her mind whenever it so pleased.

It was a year today that he had walked out of her life.

And it seemed that that single pivotal moment had shaped the rest of her life. The closet romantic in her head wanted to casually slip the words 'for the better' on to that last thought, but the realist in her argued that only time would tell.

She had felt his presence atop Space Needle before he had even spoken a single word.

She waited.

His soft footsteps increasing in amplitude as they neared.

His warmth enveloped her as he sat ever so gracefully behind her, his large safe arms wrapping their way around her waist, pulling her back against his own chest. Nuzzling his head in her hair, he whispered in her ear, "Hey."

She smiled despite herself, "Hey."

Leaning his chin on her shoulder, he joined her in staring out at the sight that greeted him.

Funny how the post apocalyptic world they had been born into seemed to be the most beautiful thing they'd ever seen. They of course knew nothing of what life had been like pre-pulse and perhaps even in spite of that, they could not shake the thought that even if they had seen the world in all its glory pre-pulse, it was neither here nor there in describing the beauty with all its flaws of the world they now lived in.

They sat like that awhile, in comfortable silence, watching the world around them. Everything seemed to move so fast, and Max sitting there in the arms of a man she was pretty sure she loved, but had never had the courage to yet tell him so, couldn't for the life of her remember if her life had ever seemed as chaotic and lawless as those around her. It was an irony, for her whole life could be summarised by those two words and various other synonyms; but she just couldn't remember.

Thinking back to that momentous day in May, Max realised she had never thanked the person who had started all those rumours. She had promised herself she would track them down, but she had forgotten as she found herself caught up in the whirlwind of the summer months; for if it hadn't been for those unsubstantiated rumours, Alec would never have come knocking on her door, and the events that followed would never have unravelled as they had.

The journey from then to now had not been without its fair share of misunderstandings and miscommunications, but if she had ever been a believer in fate, there was no more certain evidence than the fact that the tides would somehow, in one way or another, bring them back together.

Of course, she had been the first to make the move; taking that step forward and into his arms. If he'd been shocked at her action he had masked it well, or perhaps she hadn't even noticed what with her own heart thudding in her chest, and hearing nothing but the sound of her blood rushing through her veins. If Alec had been shocked at her actions, she had been just as startled and petrified.

She wasn't really sure what had happened after that. It was a hazy blur of emotions, incoherent sentences and mutual understanding that what they had could neither be defined nor explained.

Whilst Max liked to think she was the one who took the initiative in this relationship of theirs, the truth was that it was Alec who had made the first move all along. For in reality, it was his fateful departure which had opened the floodgates to realisation, albeit painstakingly slowly, of what he meant to her.

"What are you thinking?" She felt his chest behind her rumble as he spoke the words. The low, breathy tones of his voice tickling her ear and making her shiver almost imperceptibly.

She laughed quietly, not really sure how to sum up the words that would describe the year that had passed. Feeling the upturn of his lips as he smiled against the soft skin of her neck, she knew she didn't really have to explain after all; he already knew.

"Quite a year, huh?" he said, answering his own question.

She smiled, "I guess so."

"How does it feel?" he asked.

Max turned slightly to face him. She could make out his profile as he continued to rest against her. Having felt her gaze upon himself, he too mirrored her actions. She could see her own eyes clearly reflected back at her in his own now almost entirely green eyes. She'd always thought they were his best physical attribute; and in simplest terms – just breathtakingly beautiful.

"How does what feel?" she asked.

He smiled - that infuriating smile that was half self satisfied smirk, and half unabashed amusement. "Everything," he said.

She knew what he was asking, and she also knew that he knew she didn't really have an answer to that.

How did one describe the transformation she had witnessed in just the space of a year? She'd never have believed this time last year that the transgenics would now be well on their way to gaining full citizen and human rights. If anything, she had expected their cause to take many years to come to fruition, and perhaps never even succeed. For all they would have tried, people just didn't overcome prejudices that easily and certainly not as quickly as within a single year. She wasn't naïve enough to know that their struggle was in no way over.

There of course was the exposure of the Familiars and the gradual, ongoing end to their reign of infiltration and manipulation of Ordinaries, and their crusade against the transgenics. White's demise behind bars was definitely something worth celebrating, but for all that the man had done to her and her family, she couldn't help pity the man. After all, he was only a slave to his genetics, much like themselves.

But that was just it. They had finally taken a stand. The transgenics were no longer sitting in the dark, obeying orders like the soldiers they'd been moulded into. They were finally pushing their way out of the darkness and into the light. Max's eyes instinctively scoped the landscape in front of her, directing them towards Terminal City, and the flag that still stood proud, rippling in the wind. From darkness, to bloodshed, and finally into the light; her smile grew wider.

"Careful Max," Alec grinned into her ear, "Wouldn't want to expose your soft, girly side to the whole world. They'll see right through your tough, bitchy exterior now."

Max grinned, elbowing him half-heartedly in the stomach. "Shut up."

He chuckled.

The sound warmed her from the inside out.

She couldn't quite believe it herself. Who would have thought, she'd come to care so much about the once manwhore rat-bag sat behind her. On some level, perhaps she'd always known. But just like with Logan before him, she had had neither the guts nor fortitude to explore her feelings for him and see where they could have led her. She had been terrified. She had lost so many people in her life, and she had nearly lost him too. And so she had learnt the hard way that not taking a chance was perhaps the worst crime she could commit against herself. Didn't mean she didn't try to fight it. Oh hell, she had tried. But the stubborn ass had wormed far too deep under her skin for her to ignore, and before long she knew she was unequivocally doomed; for he had firmly, with a single touch of his lips over hers, taken a hold of her heart. He would never let go and neither did she want him to.

He ran one finger slowly through her curls, the other hand resting gently across her abdomen, "You still haven't answered my question."

She knew it wasn't. Common sense knew that things could never be that way. There was too much wrong in the world for it to be true. Mistakes were there to be made; to err was what it was to be human. And perhaps it was for all their faults, however tiny, which made them so. Sitting there now, she could only think of one word that described everything around her.

Turning suddenly in his arms, the wind now blowing against her, so stray curls swept into her face, she lifted her hand to his face. Tracing the line down his jaw, her fingers brushing against the emerging stubble, she smiled with everything from her lips to her eyes.

A question glittered in his eyes, and she finally answered him,

"Perfect," she said.

His smile grew wider, and she could only marvel at its beauty.

"Everything feels perfect."

He kissed her then; soft, sweet and with such affection that made her feel she had never been loved and cherished as much as she was now and maybe ever would be again. No, nothing could ever really be perfect, but for just the moment, as everything around them faded to a distant grey, she could think of no better word.

For now at least, everything truly was perfect.

End.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

**A/N 2: **So there it is. After the bucket loads of angst, I hope this last chapter compensated; there's never any harm in an odd fluff ball. I had high hopes for this piece, and though some parts were perhaps more successful than others, I still hope you enjoyed the ride. A massive thank you to those of you who took the time to review and let me know what you thought; I appreciate every single comment.

And so I leave you with one last parting plea; please review and share your thoughts.

Over and out,

**SmilinStar **

**xxx**


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